NINGEN ZANGAI
by Kunisaki
Summary: One, a weird dream. Two, a regrettable sentence. Three, a horrible realization. Twincest Hikaru's POV
1. The Day When It Cracked

NINGEN ZANGAI

Author: Kunisaki

**Story name's meaning:** Human Wreckage

**Summary:** One, a weird dream. Two, a regrettable sentence. Three, a horrible realization of love. [Twincest] [Hikaru's POV]

**Pairings:** Hikaru/Kaoru

**Genre:** Humour/Romance

**Disclaimer:** Yeah, I don't own anything… nothing more to say.

**Warning:** Unbeta'ed. Contains lots of swears and screaming.

**Author's note: **I warn you guys... this fiction is crazy. Once you have read it, you'll be like: "Heehee... That Kunisaki is a silly wreck."

Anyways... enjoy the story! C:

* * *

-- CHAPTER ONE --

-- The Day When It Cracked --

* * *

Man… what a nightmare.

This has never been happening to me before, why would this happen to me anyway? It's morning, but it's still dark inside the room. It's also quiet… Except for the throbbing sound, which beats heavily inside my chest, just throbbing, beating. I place my hand on my chest, staring at the wall above me with twitching eyes; telling my heart to STOP BEATING SO DAMN FAST! But of course, I didn't yell it out. I would have if it weren't for the sudden exhaustion upon me - why is that? I mean... I just woke up in this morning, and I'm _really exhausted?_ Well, it sounds… normal. But this is not the same though.

Then it clicked inside my brain, and my mind when _'OH!'_

'_It must be the dream's fault… yeah, it could be.'_

Why does it feel like something is breathing on my neck?

…

Never mind.

Back to the subject...

It's not that strange to wake up like this. It isn't that bad, right? Because I'm a boy, and boys get those weird little dreams, when they're getting mature. I mean, it's called puberty. People would get worried, if boys didn't get those dreams while sleeping. It's a normal thing, you know. But then again, why am I so heated up? Gosh! It burns, and I'm all sweaty! I can still feel the heat from last night. I was burning... And that I have been sweating, it's kinda bothering me… Oh wait. Remember the dream… yeah, the dream…

-BEEP!- It was not a dream! It was a nightmare! It's the nightmare's fault that I feel so -BEEP!- disgusting!

But then again… the nightmare was indeed disturbing, but I would be dreaming of something that wasn't so weird. As a guy, I would be dreaming of a girl, right? Not about a person with the same gender as I.

Why do I keep asking, if there isn't anyone who's going to answer me anyway! I guess that I'm just confused. I feel disgusted by that dream, and I can't believe that I actually _liked_ it! What disgusting human am I then!?

Oh boy, not again… stop thinking about those images again! Pictures are flying into my mind again, and they are not so _child friendly_… at all.

I remember that the teacher told it wasn't something to be embarrassed of. Something like:

"_Ohhohoho! Don't worry children! It just means that boys' growing up and getting mature, that's all! Boys dream about that stuff, so it's nothing to be scared of."_

Well, you're WRONG teacher! BOYS do not dream about having sex with OTHER BOYS! It's _NOT_ something to feel calm about! Not even unworried! Except for gays… they can dream about that stuff without worry. Was that teacher even a guy?

What should I do? I'm on the edge of my coming misery, and I had a dream about having sex with a guy.

That scares me, because I'm a guy too.

Well, having an affair with another male is not what really concerns me right now. Although, it should…

What really concerns me is that it isn't some guy, but someone I know. And that has to be something to be worried about! And the second thing... I was on the bottom! The bottom – I, the elder twin - being **RAPED!** I got raped in that –BEEEEP!- nightmare!

What's with that breathing air!? It tickles my neck and it bothers me constantly!

Wait, breathing? What am I talkin-…?

And then my eyes widen in realization: Oh Kami… this can't be.

Strands of hair move under my chin, as I feel the nervousness running down in my throat. Or I guess that's what I think it is, you know… hair.

I hear mumbles, and the sound is too close. If any possible, I would be dead right now. I don't look down to see what it is, I'm afraid to see after what it is. But then one hand -Shwoop!- one movement against my chest, and what do I do then? I certainly throw my eyes downwards! I mentally face-slapped myself, because obviously...! I must be more interested in finding out what touched my chest, than keeping the eyes away as I before wanted.

Now I can't take the staring away from the sight. And if possible, my eyes would pop out off my head, and I would be blind for the rest of my life.

Eh… I hope that doesn't happen.

I can feel the hot breaths on my neck again, which I surely get panic about, shrieking like some stupid tart. _Oh… I forgot I lost my voice somewhere…_

A hand strokes my chest again, which I even freak more about!

And then a brush of something soft on my collar bone, which makes me think that I died with a struck.

_RUN!! JUST RUN; YOU DIMWIT!!!_ But that isn't possible.

You know that feeling, right? Whenever you try to get off and just run away, but you can't fucking-… _AAAAARGH!!!! COME ON! MOVE YOU BLASTED LEGS!_

That's how it feels.

You want to run, but you can't because you completely frozen on the stage. Ha-ha, funny… the bed I'm lying on is a stage... Since when?

I forgot something... Why the heck is my arm wrapping around a waist?! More further, _why is it there?!_ Heck, actually my _hand…_ is lying on a hip. And it has been stroking the hip, and why the hell is that? I'm stroking the hip, I've been keeping on with the stroking, and I didn't even notice? WHY DO I STILL KEEP STROKING ON THAT HIP!!???

I begin to sigh. All that hysterical screaming is actually just inside my head. I'm practically calm on the outside. But that doesn't mean my mind is a complete overreacted system, which is almost about to explode. That's only, when I'm nervous over something.

...

I am indeed nervous and uneasy about what's happening right now.

Yeah. Basically... my mind is an overreacted system by now.

Normally, I wouldn't be lying this close to my brother. Well, does it sound weird to you? That I'm sleeping with my brother? Wait, that didn't sound right…

Anyways, I've shared the bed with him ever since we were little. It actually doesn't mind me, I'm fine with it. But back to the point... I still wonder why we're lying close to each other, at least more than normal. Maybe I dragged him close to my chest while being asleep. What if he woke up by that, but just shrugged it off, because he usually wouldn't mind being hugged by me? Or maybe he didn't wake up, but was used to these kinds of things if it was with me, so his sleepy self wouldn't mind the hugging? That's still the same result. Why do all the explanations sound so wrong?

Maybe I should stop thinking about it. I got other things to worry about, _a lot more._

EXAMPLE! What lies underneath the covers?

'_Pfft! Stupid question, that's your body, dimwit!'_ Well, I know that. I'm just worried about that… that…

I grimace a face by the thought, as the fear rises and hurts inside my throat.

Afraid to wake up my brother, I raise my trembling hand away from his hip slowly and carefully. I move away from him as quiet as possible. I make sure that he isn't going to open his eyes and stare right on me. I can't stand his eyes at some occasions, most when they stare straight into mine.

His eyes can burn holes through your body. If there is something you don't want to get out to the world, then he can see it immediately, when he use those eyes.

Naah, it's only me he can see right through… which is suddenly a bad thing right now!

"Please, don't wake up…" that was being told with my teeth pressed onto each other. I say it in a low voice, because I don't want him to wake up. He's a light sleeper, which is not a good thing at the moment.

Finally when I got away from the hugging thingy, I can breathe out in relief. I'm glad that he's still sleeping. But that goof-smiling-happiness goes off at once, when I'm finally at the main problem. I have to swallow down the dread, or else I wouldn't dare to take a look. My hand grasps after the blanket, and slowly lifts up the covers. _Please don't let it be that…_

THAT begging didn't help.

"Kami…" I am so messed up… What I feared so dreadfully is true, huh? I know that my face has gotten paler... most of the reason is because my blood's running cold. I have to calm down...! It's not something to panic about, it's not weird, it's expected to happen anyway. Who am I trying to fool? Of course it's weird!

Regardless to say, I have to take a bath… RIGHT NOW!

…

-SLAM!-

I gotta turn the shower on, and get myself clean before anything bad happens. Heck… it already has happen.

"Why the heck is this happening?" My voice sounded so horrified… I'm really scared.

Water, water, water! COME ON!!! Why isn't it good enough!!?? I can't stop that disgusting feeling, it's so weird! Why does this happen to me!? Bloody hell!

"Hot, hot!" Where's the soap!? I need something, anything! Just anything that can clean the skin! WHERE'S THAT –BEEEEEP!– SOAP!!!???

"Damn it!" Oh boy… what do I do now? I can't tell this to my twin, what would he think?

…

He would laugh… definitely burst out laughing. He's so cruel...

I can already imagine it, all those embarrassing moments with fingers pointing at me... and shouting people running away as they're screaming: "OH MY GOD! WATCH OUT FOR THAT FREAK!!!" and they would run like hell away from me, until I'm the last person in the area.

…

Where the heck do I get those thoughts from?

-KNOCK! KNOCK!-

"Hikaru, are you alright in there?!"

_Oooooohh SHIT!_ What do I do?!

"O-OF COURSE I'M FINE!" What to do, what to do?!!! Don't you dare to get inside, Kaoru!

"You don't sound like you're okay. Shall I-…?"

"N-NO! I'M FINE, REALLY!" turn off the water. Get out of the shower. My clothes… Damn it! I forgot to take some clothes with me!

"Hikaru?"

No clothes... No clean boxes… The towel! Yeah, where's the towel when you need it!?

Erh… Did I even lock the door?

"The door's not locked yet… I'm coming inside, okay?"

"NOOO!" Immediately, my hand grabs for the locker, and the door goes _click!_

"DON'T COME IN!!"

"Why is that?"

Explanation! Fast! Come on, just say something!

"I'M FREAKING NAKED, OKAY!? JUST STAY THERE AND WAIT!"

Kami… am I really so stupid to say that? Apparently, the answer seems to be a YES.

…

"Okay, I understand. Just make it quick, Hikaru."

And it worked. Gosh, it really did work!

That was a close one.....!

Oh, there's the towel, hanging right beside the door… Why does this seem so typical? Anyways, at least things are sat on safe now. Better lock the door up and get some clothes on, I can't be naked all the time, right? Kaoru's probably wondering why I was so furious. Rather... he's certainly finding it weird that I freaked out about him walking inside the bathroom, I'm positive. He already has seen me naked, so what makes this time different?

Well... A LOT.

The door opens, and Kaoru is just standing with his back on the wall.

"You're sure you're okay?" he stares at me with half-open eyes, his look sticks me with invisible knives, his tired expression seems so bored.

…

Good grief! Nothing to get concerned of. He hasn't noticed anything yet.

"Eh… Hikaru?"

"Yeah, I'm sure of it." I reply and turn towards our wardrobe with our clothes inside, opening the doors to get my school uniform out. Then I notice he's still watching me, and he's suddenly quiet. I turn my face towards him, "I'm fine, Kaoru." A smile crosses my mouth, just to not concern him.

Kaoru shakes his head instead, his face indifferent: "You're such a bad liar, Hikaru."

-STAB!-

"Anyways, I'm taking a shower. No peeking while I'm naked."

-STAB! STAB!-

He walks towards the bathroom while yawning loudly. The door closes right behind him.

He's so different from the host club and here at home. At school, he's acting like this caring... sweet-smiling... half-feminine... evil prankster. And when he's home: Totally different.

He's like ice with his icy tone and soft smile… freaking invisible knives, damn I hate them.

* * *

Ah, at last... we're at school, and there's Haruhi sitting by her table. What shall we bother her with?

"Greetings, Haruhi." My brother says with a smile. It makes me wonder why he acts so nice at the school.

"Good morning, Kaoru." Haruhi replies and then turns towards me. "And to you too, Hikaru."

A grin appears on my face, and I let my elbow lay on her shoulder. "Well, hello to you, Haruhi." Kaoru does the same thing as I, grinning in the same way. Our little friend in between sighs at me and my twin, her half-lifted eyes watching us. "What are you planning to do?"

She's always suspicious of us, which makes it funnier to tease her.

As a master in practical jokes and pranks, I won't let any of my plans get ripped off.

-RIIINNNGG!!!-

"Alright class, the lesson has started!"

Perhaps... I'll do the fun after class...

Hopefully, I won't lose my patience when that time comes. It's such a great plot, and I wouldn't like to miss the chance to see people's disbelieving faces. I can already imagine it, what a laugh! Oh, and there's Kaoru, sitting right beside Haruhi! He's writing some stuff down, probably notes of today's lesson.

And Haruhi is always watching so attentive, what a good student is she....

**-Time after-**

...

Man, I'M SO BORED! Why am I thinking about boring stuff such as how Haruhi and my twin is appearing in the class?! And the representative is just goofing off because he so afraid of today's horror issue!

I wish I could go home...

_'You've been here for only one lesson, moron...'_

"Pssh! Hikaru!"

"W-what?" I get a huge surprise when I see my brother instead of Haruhi, "W-why are you-?"

"Keep it low, the representative hasn't heard us yet." Why is he so close?

"But why are you sitting-...?"

"I switched seat with Haruhi, so I could talk with you." I haven't really noticed it yet... but his eyes seem so deep for all sudden.

"Oh, by the way, could you lend me your pen? I think mine ran out of ink." His cheek is so soft... could I touch it? Maybe just a bit?

"Hikaru... do you even listen?" and his lips...

"Earth to Hikaru!"

"..."

"Helloooooo?!"

"They look so kissable..."

...

"What?" he looks at me with a grimace and blinking eyes.

Oh god...

I clap my mouth shot, because that was not what I want to let out of my big mouth! Oh _Kami!_ I didn't want to say that, but I did!

What I am I going to do!? Why did I even say it? What was I thinking?

I just thought about Kaoru's mouth, and sort of thought their looked soft. But mine's too,_ and I don't have to kiss myself to know that!_ But I could probably try his lips. What would it feel like? Just grab and kiss him mouth to mouth... feel my stomach twisting at the contact.

Maybe I should just kiss him. HELL NO! What the hell am I fantasizing about!?

Kaoru watches me. His face seems stoic, and his eyes are staring sharply into mine. I stare dumbfounded back at him. Something was off, but I didn't know how to put it into words. Next thing I see on his face is confusion.

"I didn't get that quite... could you repeat what you said?"

_-Dingdingding!-_

"Ah, it's nothing!" I'm saved...! -deep breath!-

Good lord! I thought I was going to get my hugest spank from the lord of all spanks. But didn't Kaoru hear me? I was sure that he heard what I said to him. Normally, he wouldn't miss the words just like that. But then again... if he did hear me, why would he look at me with confusion written all over his face?

-RIIINNNGG!!!-

"Finally! Let's go, Hikaru! I got some stuff to pick from the library."

"W-what?"

He stands up and grasps my hand, and I'm dazed to what is happening now. We suddenly out of our classroom, and the next thing I see is the entrance of the 2nd library.

He mumbles, "Not here... edo... Ah, this way."

I don't quite get what he's trying to find. Usually, he would borrow some books from the English section, not the Geography. That's at one of the library's ends.

Wait a minute...

Kaoru turns around, and I feel grips on the upper part of my arms.

"What are you-...?!" and I get shoved into the bookshelves rather hardly. "Kaoru, the hell-!?"

"Shhh!" his hand covers my mouth immediately.

What he wants... I don't have the slightest clue of what it could be.

Kaoru looks around, as if he doesn't want anyone to pass by and find us here. But... that sounds suspicious.

"Quiet." He whispers, giving me the chills. He places his hand on the side of my head, which makes me widen my eyes.

"Hikaru-..."

"Oh no, first me! For the first, why did you push me into the shelves? For the second, what exactly are you trying to do?"

"One, I slipped on the ground and fell on you. Two, I'm trying to grab the book, which you stand in way for me to get."

"But what did you shut my mouth for?!"

"You're not supposed to speak loudly at the library, that's why."

...

"Oh..."

"What? Did you think that I would torment you?"

"No, I-! Of course not!"

"Well, then move your head, please."

"I can't... Kaoru, you do realize that we stand in an awkward position."

"What do you mean?" he quivers an eyebrow. I could only sigh at him, even if I wanted to punch something painfully.

"Yourlegisinbetween."

"Say what?"

"God Kaoru, MOVE YOUR LEG!"

* * *

"So, which movie do you want to see, Kaoru?" I ask him in a bored tone, while we're both searching through the shelves. They're filled with the movies that we like and ONLY like.

Kaoru skims over the titles, as I pick out some few and glance at them. But those movies are thrown aside, once I have taken them out of the shelves.

"A-ha! This one will go." My brother grins, while throwing the movie towards me.

I grab it, taking a look at the front picture. I couldn't help but smirk at the title.

"A horror movie, huh?" I guess that's typical of him to pick this genre.

Once we have turned the TV on, putted the movie inside and got the popcorns, Kaoru deems the light after he had bought the soda out from the kitchen. Then I set the movie on play, and we are now sitting on the couch and stuffing popcorns into our mouths.

It's late at night, which it the best moment to watch a horror movie.

I keep grimacing in disgust, as the blood splits out from the dead corpses. Kaoru is stuffing and keeps gorging the popcorns into his mouth. His eyes are focussed on the screen.

I mentally laughed, when I saw his expression.

Then suddenly a thought crossed my mind. It made me to slowly grin a smirk on my face.

Normally, these are just jokes. But we did them often, when if we weren't at the host club.

I let my hand slip onto his shoulder, slowly dragged him towards me. My other hand grasps after some popcorns, while I whispers into his ear. "Ne, Kaoru... are you scared?"

But something, which I didn't expect to come, happened instead what normally would come. Kaoru would have taken a part of the joke, acting like the shy and scaredy twin brother in the host club. But no. No, he doesn't. Instead, he turns his face towards me, gazing with a soft smile and lidded eyes, as he sticks his fingers between his lips and sucks on them rather playfully.

And kinda hot. Wait, what did I say?

Kaoru turns back to the TV, taking a sip from the glass of soda.

Has my mouth been open all this time? How long has I actually stared at him? I'm still holding the popcorns in my hand, but I don't eat them?

I quickly shut my mouth and let go of the popcorns. I don't even want to eat them anymore.

Suddenly, I can feel something hard thumping inside my chest, and it goes faster. I should stop staring at him, I'm losing my breathing! My face is burning for all the sudden. Wait, does that mean I'm blushing? I'm embarrassed, but why? Why am I embarrassed? It's just Kaoru.

It's not like I haven't... felt this weird emotion somewhere.

It couldn't be that. No way! Of course it couldn't! Haha...

I feel so awkward right now. I'm embarrassed, what else could it be explained with? But it's just Kaoru, right?

"Hikaru, pass me that, would you?" he point at the bowl filled with sweets, and I do as he says.

When I give him the bowl, a lady screams in horror inside the TV. That caused me to jerk the hand towards him, and his palm touches mine.

"!" I jump off the sofa. The bowl hits the floor and crashes.

Stupid! Why in the world did I jump off?

"You're okay?!"

"Y-yeah, of course! You know what? I need to go to the bathroom."

I didn't _walk_ to the bathroom. I _ran_ to the bathroom.

I could hear him yell after me with surprise.

The next thing: I slam the door shut, locking it with a key, and glide downwards to the floor with my hands on my face. I feel like disappearing right now.

Because I realized...

'_I love him.'_

...

"I love him?"

The words just passed my mind, but it actually felt like they struck me with lighting.

They crashed into me like a car. Its tires would jump out and hit the people in their faces...!

H-how could I think like that!?

"Hikaru, what's the matter!?"

'_I love Kaoru.'_

"Open up!"

I whisper out to myself. "I love my brother..."

"Hikaru, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to flirt with you so shamelessly!"

My Brother... my twin... my... I'm in love with my Kaoru.

I'm in love...

"...Shit."

I wanna die by a tire hitting on the goddamn face...


	2. Losing Control

**Author's note:** Okay everyone, this is the next chapter coming up right now!

-Bows- You may enjoy the weirdness.

* * *

-- CHAPTER TWO --

-- Losing Control --

* * *

Recently... it has mostly turned out like this.

-KNOCK KNOCK!-

"Hikaru, lock the door up!"

"Kaoru, I'm using the bathroom right now! How can I just open up!?"

- There's not even anything to laugh at.

I can't tell to myself that it's nothing, when it really is such a huge disaster! It sucks, because I can't even lie to myself.

"Stop making up jokes Hikaru, and open up that door!"

"MY GOD! I NEED SOME PRIVACY HERE! CAN'T A GUY GO TO THE TOLIET BY HIMSELF!?"

Almost every single day, I keep locking myself inside the bathroom.

Why? Because the bathroom seems to be nice and clean - DO'H! I just lock myself in this room! It's not like I think about where to go to.

I can't think clearly, whenever I get nervous.

And talking about being nervous – Kaoru has recently been the main reason to my nervous reactions and tons of visits to the bathroom. A couple of days have passed since that horrible realization hit me on the face with a huge tire, and I'm still wondering why I didn't die by that hit.

I put my hands on my ears, blocking the annoying noise from the outside of the bathroom. _PLEEAASSEEEEEE! JUST LET ME BE ALONE! _

"Damn it...!" - Every since that realization came to me, I've been afraid to get near Kaoru... Man, how I love him. I'm so in love with him. I'm so madly in love with Kaoru, and he's freaking me out...

That wonderful creep is scaring me.

...

I love him so damn much, and I feel like screaming at myself:_ 'GOD! I'm still saying that stupid line, and it's been over like what? 2605 times?'_

Would somebody bring me some adhesive tape, so I can keep my mouth shut? Some sticky tape, come on! Bring some me sticky tape here, I seriously need it! PLEASE, I need some fucking tape right now! GIVE ME THAT -BEEP!- TAPE NOW!

I have said the same thing too many times now.

Yes, I'm in love with my twin brother, I already get the picture, thanks!

I don't need to get reminded of that.

-Sigh- I hate that stupid sentence... and sticky tape.

It's like I'm repeating a tape over and over again. I bet my voice is broken and has turned into a recorder, repeating the "I love him"s and mix them in sentences. Just keep saying the exactly same line. That would be so great!

Whenever people would be talking to me, I would only be saying the same blasted words 5 times rapidly.

And nobody, I mean NOBODY would ever know who this person, that I seem to love so much, might be.

"_Why do you keep saying that?"_ – It's simple, because I'm a recorder... and I love to say this sentence, in which I'm saying I love him. Because I really do love him, and I won't get bored to say that I love him, because it's so true that I love him. I won't stop as long as I love him.

I would sound like an idiot if I'd say that...

Hopefully, I could be answering with this one: Well, does it look like I can say something else than "I'm so sick in love"?!

I'm a freaking recorder, what did you expect?! I don't know who has putted this tape into my mouth, and it taste like crap! People don't make chocolate-flavoured tapes for us insane recorders. They don't even care! It's not like recorders can taste the difference of plastic. Now, GO THE HELL OUT AND FIND SOME -BEEEEEP!- LOVE OUT THERE!

...

Ha-ha... That would be great... sounds like love is really a bad thing.

Turning into a recorder is worse than Milord's robo-walking... no, worse than Haruhi's bad acting skills! Remember when she was at Lobelia Academy?

"_Frederick-sama!" _– What was that!?

"_Frederick-sama!"_ - She sounded like a _robot!_

It was awfully. Completely stupid and AWFUL!

"_Frederick-sama!"_

...

Hee-hee... Man, I really want to see that again.

The door keeps getting slammed, as my twin is still continuing on with the knocks and the beats.

And I just have to lay my back on that door, feeling the beats and get sick of it.

Soon, I'm gonna throw up all over the floor, because the knocks make me awfully sick.

...

-Click!-

Wait was that the d-...?

"Hikaru!" Kaoru yells after me, as the door swings wide open, which scared the guts out of me because I fell backwards with my back hardly on the floor.

The door was freaking locked, and he just opened it like it was nothing.

'_DAMN! He's gotten better at locking doors up without a key!'_

Hopefully, it could be just me, but I swear that I thought I saw a sign behind Kaoru, which said: 'THE HORROR!'

And some few others that said:

- 'The horror's coming after you!'

- 'Run like hell, bitch!'

- 'Ha-ha! You're so doomed...'

"Are you hurt?!" he asks all concerned, while I stare at him like a totally confused idiot.

"W-what? How did you-?!" And then he grabs me on the upper part of my arms, trying to get me up from the floor.

But all I can do is screaming inside me: _'AAAARGGHHH! BURNING! GO! LET GO OF ME, POISON!!'_

But I don't do anything about it, because I've been paralyzed by him.

I don't say anything to him; I CAN'T say anything at all. Why can't I say anything?

"It's okay, Hikaru. Let's just go to bed, okay?"

I guess that I've gotten easier to shock after realizing all that stuffs from the horrible day. And since what had happened on that day, Kaoru had stopped questioning me almost about everything. He doesn't ask me anymore, but he'll be there for me, whenever something happens to me.

Somehow, I suddenly feel so small...

As he leads us to bed, he gets the both of us underneath the covers without asking me questions, as to why I suddenly freaked out. Kami, I'm so glad that we already have our sleeping-clothes on, or else I would be dead. And that would suck. Nobody wants to die a pathetic death, such as dying of embarrassment.

I don't hear anything afterwards, as I stare on the ceiling and pull the cover over my head. I can't be lying here on the bed with my brother; it suddenly feels awkward to be nearby him.

I feel like sleeping, but I'm death-awake. And it's deeeaaath quiet in here.

...

I really hate this kind of silence, whenever no sounds or noises would come and break it. I mean... People would wonder when the person beside would say something stupid, but it never comes out.

It gets too awkward this tension inside here!

Kaoru must be sleeping right now, he's so lucky that he doesn't get through this blasted thing as I do. I watch him sleep, as he breathes quietly and slowly...

Taunting me with those lips.

-SLAP!-

IDIOT! Stop daydreaming! And it's not even day, it's NIGHT!

You have other things to be concerned of, instead of getting breathless by the sight of your brother, you sick bastard!

"It's no use... I can't stop thinking about it!"

No matter how much I'm trying, I just can't look away from those lips. - The hell? I can't turn my eyes away, because my twin's half-open mouth is turning me on?

Am I being turned on?

...

What do you think am I? A robot with a switch that say ON and OFF? Stop joking Hikaru, it's not funny.

-Sigh- I have to calm down, before I lose my mind. I seriously need to get a grip of myself.

A thought crossed my mind, just abruptly crossed my head - "How would he react if he found me on top of him?" – Oh no! Don't think about it! You don't-! H-hey, stop smirking! Cut out the smirking, it's getting too weird! And creepy!

Suddenly, I flip over to his side, and I place myself above him. I really, really don't have the idea of WHY IN THIS -BEEEEEP!- WORLD I'M TRYING TO DO!! Kami-sama! W-what am I doing!? What the heck am I trying to do!?

"I feel like kissing him..."

THAT blows me away. I'm trying to stop myself, but I'm only shouting mentally: _'No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! I can't kiss my twin! It's not right!'_

But the other part of me says: _'Screw that... I'm dying for this to get ecstatic, and I don't give any shit about the fucking brotherly crap.'_

Do you what that means?

It means that a little voice has gotten inside your brain, settled down very nice and cosy, and it won't leave you alone ever again.

And ever since that doomed day, I have gotten a second voice inside of my head.

It's like the devil, who keeps telling me to just _fuck!_ my brother and have sex.

'_It's not crap!'_

'_Whatever... not like it matters to me. I can suck him if I want to.'_

'_By suck, what the hell do you mean by that?!' - _If it weren't myself I was arguing with, I would have strangled this blasted fellow of a sick bastard.

I gaze at my twin, being a very screwed up teen... and an awfully tired zombie. He looks so vulnerable, when he's sleeping. It's almost cute to see him like this. Slowly, I put my hand on his bangs and stroke downwards to his cheek. I would never do anything against Kaoru; I wouldn't dare to do such disturbing actions on him. However...

I really do feel like kissing him. I just guess that I can't do it.

Even if I wanted to, I just can't...

"..."

I froze... I thought I just saw him awake with open eyes that stare sharply into mine. Oh shoot, he _is_ awake!

"Do you want something, Hikaru?"

That pretender has been awake all the time - and I didn't even notice!?

Goodness... It's first now I notice the small gab between our lips, and I'm blank to what excuse would be best to take for this situation.

"I-I...!" _Think! Think, you idiot!_

"The clock!" I abruptly snatch the alarm-clock on the table beside Kaoru, flipping myself off him and turn the alarm on.

Then I pull the covers up to my face and back-face him, leaving him in confusion.

"Hikaru, are you sure that you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just needed to turn the alarm on." No matter how I trying to put it, this damned line sounds awfully wrong! Oh yeah, turn the alarm on! That's what I needed to do. Now what the hell?!

I suddenly want to stab myself with one of those invisible knives.

"Oh, if that was it... Then good night."

"Yeah good night, Kaoru."

...

...

Is he asleep?

...

God... I never thought I would be saved by a clock; it's rather a good thing that Kaoru can fall into sleep very easily.

And the devil's voice rants again – _'You're so fucking pathetic... you had the chance, but you just threw it off.'_

'_What kind of chance!? Are you out of your mind! I won't take advantage of my brother!'_

- Suddenly, this boring life has just gotten more exciting... in the scarier way though.

Sometimes, I wonder if he really is that slow to realize what's going on between me and him. Or maybe he does know... Pfft! Yeah right, as if!

Well, at least I have gotten through another blasted nightmare called as 'The weekdays'. Except for tomorrow's going to be a nightmare too...

I've gotten more tired lately, and I haven't fallen asleep yet or closed an eye for that matter. I'm still staring at that blank wall for nothing.

I can't sleep – I can't think clearly – and I've gotten a psychopathic second voice, which is insanely perverted. Ha-ha, how wonderful...

"Kaoru..."

...

I just sigh deeply into the air, not turning around to face him. I might be trying to kiss him again...

"I-I think that maybe I'm..." _I'm in love with you... _

I can't say these words out. I suddenly don't know how to say them.

"Kaoru, what should I do...?"

Even though he's asleep, I can't make myself to tell him. I can't say the "I love him"s anymore.

"I... I don't know what to do..."

I keep whispering in the dark for no one to hear me.

"I don't know anymore..."

First my voice - and now the freaking recorder is broken.

Why didn't I just die by that tire?

* * *

_And so the next morning..._

-BEEEEPPP!!-

"W-what the heck!?" I stare in amazement with widen eyes. My heart's throbbing by the death shock I just had received.

The sound gave me a lifetime shock, causing me to jump on the bed with my eyes snapping up. I throw the look at the every damn piece of my belongings, breathing like a maniac.

Apparently, it's four in the morning!

That's what it says on the alarm - red numbers that keep blinking in the darkness are telling me about the time right now.

And the alarm-clock goes like; -_BEEEEEEEEEEP!_- continuing with it's ear-drowning noise, and beating the crap out of my eardrums. What kind of idiot wants to wake up so early in the freaking morning by setting the alarm on at 4 a.m.?! Oh, wait a minute... I'm the idiot here.

I plug the ears, as I groan in annoyance and tiredness, mumbling out - "I want a new clock..." - Probably those ones with less killing noise that could murder my sense of hearing. I totally forgot how much I hate this clock.

-BEEEPPP!!-

"Oh, SHUT UP!"

I snatch the alarm, throwing it across the room and straight at the wall, so it could smash into tiny bits! Finally, that clock could die in misery and just get thrown out in the trashcan...

Yeah, I wished.

Instead, I just turn it off, place it back to where it belonged and let it be, letting the clock survive a day.

"Hey, Hikaru..." and now my brother's calling after me.

I'm just lying on the bed and place my pillow on the face with one hand, trying to strangle myself with it.

-Poke poke!-

"Hikaru, wake up."

I said I was trying to strangle myself, so please let me be!

"Hikaru!"

When I don't answer him, I can hear him sighing heavily, obviously aggravated by my stubbornness.

Then I can feel something heavy above me, and the pillow that was on my face gets thrown aside.

I stare dumbfounded at Kaoru, as he's on top of me. On top... H-HOLD ON! What's he trying to do?!

"W-what are you doing?!"

"Finally, I got your attention at last." He says with lidded eyes and an emotionless face.

He's voice is quiet as well, but that doesn't make anything better.

"That doesn't explain-..." My eyes caught something different this time, as I stared blankly at Kaoru. "Eh, Kaoru... where's your t-shirt?"

This makes me think about that dream last – HELL NO! I thought I told myself to not think about it!

"I was wondering about the same thing, Hikaru." Kaoru twitches his face, while staring down on me.

Suddenly, he seems bigger than me.

I don't like the way he looks at me, it gives me bad feelings...

"Now, I wonder when you would let go of my boxes."

...

Wha-? His what? Seriously, what has that to do with his t-sh-...?

"..." - I dropped my jaw, when I turned the look down.

Apparently, my hand is grasping on the elastic band of Kaoru's boxes, and it looks like I'm trying to pull them down. His sleeping-pants are already tugged down to his knees. Kami... D-did I do that to him? Then about his t-shirt... did I take it off him?!

"I-I...!"

_'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?' _My brain screams at me. _'LET GO OF THEM IMMEDIATELY! IT'S A PRIVATE AREA, BASTARD! YOU -BEEP!- DISGUST ME, PERVERT!'_

My hand snapped away, making the elastic band to SNAP!

"OW!" - Which was not good for Kaoru.

"S-sorry! I didn't mean to-! Are you hurt!?"

"You bet! That was awfully nice of you."

"I'm sorry!"

My hands must have been stubborn of not letting go... It sounded so wrong.

He's gonna ask me a lot of questions, and I'm not ready for that.

"I-I swear, Kaoru. I seriously didn't know what I was doing!" I tried to explain him in panic, feeling the heat rising up to my cheeks.

Kaoru lets out a sigh, "It's fine, Hikaru. Everything's fine..." he moves away and stands up from the bed, pulling his pants on again. "Just calm down, okay?"

...

He's pissed... He's really pissed off.

"Are you planning to stay there, or get yourself ready for school?"

I couldn't help but shiver at the glare, which he threw straight at me when he asked.

I tried to stay calm, while making a fool of myself by laughing like an idiot.

"Oh, right! Ah-ha-ha!"

This Kaoru scares me.

* * *

Why in the world am I doing this to myself?

"Welcome to the famous host club of Ouran high, my ladies."

-INSET FANGIRLS SHRIEK HERE-

Arrgh... Damn! I think I'm gonna bleed from the ears someday. Those screams really kill!

While Milord keeps welcoming the girls, I better look after a way to get the hell out of here.

This time, I'm gonna run away as fast as I can, before anything bad happens.

But then my shoulder gets caught in a grip – "Come Hikaru, the girls are waiting." Kaoru says and drags me towards a couch.

How great, and just as I was about to disappear.

The girls were like waiting for us, ready to snap me by screams, so I could bleed.

'_No, no, no! I don't wanna die young!'_

"Greetings, ladies." My twin smiles to them, building up the charm.

"Greetings, Kaoru-kun!" the girls exclaims in unison, giggling and laughing.

"Hello, Hikaru-kun." One of the females greets me, as she has caught me by surprise.

I blink at her for a second – "Ah, hello."

A pause between us all, until Kaoru clears his throat and starts up a conversation.

"So, how was your day, Yoshida-san? ...Really? That sounds great! ...Eeehh?! You too?! Heehee... Hiromi-san should keep on the hard work, then you would certainly make it."

"Really? Kaoru-kun, you're so sweet! Thank you!"

"..."

"Ah, you don't have to say thanks to me."

"Aya! Such a cute smile!"

"..." - I'm seeing a different Kaoru before me.

What I see is the side of Kaoru, which he uses to the host club and the school. He seems all nicer and more social towards the students here, but for me... he has changed into a different him.

"Eh, Hikaru... What's the matter? You've been staring at me ever since we came."

"Ah! Well... You know that I can't keep my eyes from you," I purred out the last part of the line, whispering into his ear - _"my sweet Kaoru."_

"Please stop, Hikaru." My brother says, turning pink and lowers the head in a shy way. "The girls are here, it's getting embarrassing if you're doing this..."

I placed my hands on the sides of his head, carefully pulling him towards me and placed him comfortably by my chest. "Why? It's just us. They can't hear anything..." – but they can. It's a part of the act anyway.

Kaoru stays quiet for a minute, maybe a second longer than usual. But it's not like that matters too much.

"Hikaru..." – there is came, and the shrieks right after.

I swear that I need to go to the hospital and get my ears fixed. Hopefully, I won't be deaf sooner, 'cause later seems better.

"Hikaru-kun, do you have something to tell us?" it's the girl again, the one who greeted me from earlier.

"Well, I guess I have some few stories... about Kaoru." I couldn't help it, but the grin just appeared on my mouth, smiling widely to the females.

Kaoru pushed himself off me, watching frustrated - "Hikaru! You said that-!"

"Come on, Kaoru! It can't be that bad, right? Remember that time when you couldn't find me?"

"Please, don't talk about it."

"And when you got all panicked and tried to find me?"

"Hikaru!"

"Awww, that is so cute!" one girl exclaimed, while the act played out. "Kaoru-kun's so cute!"

"Noooo..." he mumbled out with his head lowered down, turning red. "That's just mean, Hikaru. I couldn't find you, and it really scared me. How could I know that you were in the bathroom?"

"Kaoru, my dear brother... everyone has to visit the bathroom once in a while."

"But-...!"

"No buts. Next time, I'll tell you where I'm going, before I leave you in a few seconds, okay?"

"..."

"But you could also go with me to the bathroom, if you want..."

-Gasp!- "H-Hikaru!"

"EEEIIIKKKK!!" - SHIT! Arrggghh...! That fucking hurts! I forgot to block out the screaming, how stupid is that!?

"Nani, nani?! Tell us what it is!"

"What would you guys do!?"

"Oh god! It couldn't be, could it!?"

It may look like I'm having a control of the things, but that's not true. Actually, I'm losing my mind. This host club thing drives me insane. This brotherly love act... murders me.

And it really strangles the last few parts of sanity I got left behind, somewhere in the dark dusty corner of my head.

I just can't stand all the imaginations of Kaoru being-... as I'm doing-... Stuff! I'm doing stuff on him!

That's what the pictures show me, weird and disturbing stuff!

'_Don't you mean sex?'_

'_SHUT UP, DEVIL-VOICE!'_

And the worst of it, this little chit-chat makes it worse.

"Tell us, Hikaru! Please tell us!"

Just smile at them... smile and act like nothing is wrong, when you know there's something completely wrong. Just smile, and then float away. Just float away from them.

I smirked a bit, "Maybe next time, ladies." – Yeah, like I would tell them...

As the females are fainting, I grin in success of the good work.

"Do you really mean it?"

Well... maybe not all of them.

"Why of course, princess. I couldn't make myself to lie." – But, I am lying most of the time. How Ironic...

She knits her eyebrows, doing that pondering expression Milord seems to make, whenever he's fantasying about Haruhi.

"But... I was just wondering. Do you really make those things? Like kissing or anything related?"

"Yeah, I was wondering about that too." A girl wakes up from the fainting, which almost startled me.

What was that girl doing?! Coming up with all this...!

"Me too! I really want to know it!"

"Do you guys kiss each other?"

"Are you making out or-...?"

...

_I am so gonna kill that girl._

"Girls, girls! Ha-ha... You're making the atmosphere awkward for both Kaoru and I."

"But isn't that an excuse?"

I mentally death-glared at her, but I'm still keeping on with the smiling and the nervous laughing.

Kaoru just looks at them with blinking eyes.

"You don't except me to react another way, right?"

"Now when you say it, Hikaru-kun always comes up with excuses."

"Yeah... We never get to know anything, because he always says _next time_."

Oh no... Somebody, get this girl out of here. She's blowing off my act!

"Hikaru-kun, show us! This time, you won't get away with it!"

"Just this time, Hikaru-kun! Please kiss Kaoru-kun?"

...

HELL NO!

'_I'm getting forced, huh?'_ – "Wait a minute, isn't that-...?"

Oh boy, Kaoru's secretly glaring at me, behind the innocently expression.

"You keep telling that you will show us, but it never comes."

"H-Hikaru, you seriously wouldn't show them, right?" my twin asks nervously, while he's preparing the invisible knives by sharpening them.

I shallow down the huge lump in my throat, deciding on if I should just kiss my brother, and get thousand painful stabs from him – or, refuse to the girls' request, so they can torture me afterwards. It's either them or him... ARGH! I CAN'T DECIDE!

I can't believe how innocent they look with their smiles and giggles. Those words stabbed me. I think I'm losing my touch, and that's because everything has started to turn upside down for me after that horrible day. Normally, I could draw off this wondering from the girls like nothing, but today...!

"Hikaru...?" he asks in a low tone.

"Kaoru..." I move closer to him, not being in control of my body.

"What's the-...?" he stops, when my hands reach after his cheeks.

"Kaoru, I-..."

_I'm sorry, but..._

"I think I'm gonna..." I pull him closer... and closer...

He widens his eyes, his mouth gabbing.

"I'm going to..."

_I can't._

"k-kiss..."

_I CAN'T!_

...

-SLAM!-

I started to run away like I've planned from the beginning.

But this was not something I expected to face.

In the end, I couldn't do it...

'_GET ME OUT OF HERE!! WHERE'S THE BATHROOM!!'_

* * *

Well, that was for this time.

Arrghh... I might change the rate someday...

Review please? And would you please tell me what you think of the fic?

:3

_- Kunisaki_


	3. On The Edge

Author's note: Let the hell begin, shall we?

* * *

-- CHAPTER THREE --

-- On The Edge --

* * *

This is bad, this is SO bad!

My mouth is gaping at the sight, and my eyes are wide open. Even though my mouth is open, no screaming gets out from it.

What I see is awfully wrong, and I feel like screaming something out.

- But I can't.

...

AND WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ABOUT SEX!?

Nothing gets out, NOTHING – not even the drops of saliva are drooling out of my mouth, even though it has been open for a long while now.

But then... why can't I stop staring?

The hell? If my voice does not function, then why the hell can my eyes stare?

My eyes are shooting stares at the thing I don't want to see, and I don't even want to see anything at the moment.

Why?! Why are the eyes staring, when I don't want to goddamn see?!

This makes me go nuts; I can't scream, when I WANT to.

But I can stare, when I DON'T want to.

If I just could say anything, while going nuts, it'll go like: _"AAAARRGGHH!! Bloody hell! My eyes are BLEEDING, but I can't close them! This is torture against eyes!"_

But since I feel like a statue, going nuts seems to be impossible for a rock like me.

I'm glad that I'm not like one of those naked statues. That would be embarrassing...

Naked statues; why, oh why do we here exposed statues in this world?! It's freaking disgusting! I don't care if they're made by famous history-people, 'cause they're obviously made by perverts! Don't go and fucking tell me that they're pieces of beautiful art! I don't give any shit about how beautiful those rocks are. How can they be beautiful, when they're naked!? Being NAKED! ...is not art!

Naughty, naughty statues! Get some clothes on!

...

What am I doing with my life...?!

This is really bad, I shouldn't be watching this. I shouldn't be watching** him** doing _this!_

It's so disturbing that it makes me concern about, if I'm ever going to survive after seeing this. I would probably fall dead in no time, but something keeps me alive though. How long I have been staring at this, I don't –BEEP!- know.

I should probably use a crab to snap me awake. That would work a lot! Getting snapped by its little snappers should wake me up... since I don't like the snappers.

I hear the sounds of breathing and gasping, and I can feel the excitement coming from those... gasps.

For whatever reason, just the way the sounds hit me... it makes me wanna punch the people in the faces.

It makes me wanna PUNCH the PEOPLE.

KAMI-SAMA!

The next thing I could do when hearing those sounds, I'll run into the city, and I start punching a little kid!

And then I start beating up a mother with her little baby in her arms!

And I know that I can't stop, because the sounds-!

**-PUNCH!-**

GOD, HELP ME!

**-PUNCH!-**

Somebody, please stop the sounds! They brainwash me into a PUNCHING-WANDERING MACHINE!

**-PUNCH!-**

...

I'm still questioning myself about where the heck I get those ideas from.

The chances for me to survive this are all set on a teddy bear, which is being the hero and rescues me from the nightmare.

Now, everyone strike a pose and praise the beary!

ALL HAIL TO THE BEARY WITH THE BATMAN CAPE!

At some points, I would rather have my mind blank rather than thinking about stuff. I get those weird insane thoughts, in which everything that happens inside my brain seems to be exploding. Lately, I've been afraid of what to think of, because I fear that it would just cost my mind its life. I can't live without my mind; nobody can live without their minds.

And why do I need it? - I'll tell you why. Because, I need it to think... I need it to get lost in it.

But then someone would probably be like:

"What kind of an idiot wants to get lost? It's stupid, and that's why you're an idiot, because it's so stupid, you stupid idiot!"

...Whatever.

First of all, I was talking about minds not islands. DO'H!

Or maybe: Yeah, you just go and tell the world how stupid this redhead over here is, tell the world how much an idiot this fellow is. As long as you get the –beep!- out off my sight, then I wouldn't care.

If I started to think about what he said and use crazy thoughts, I would then be like...going crazy mode:

Oh yeah! It's my hobby to get lost! But not just islands... not just uninhabited islands, but also forests and supermarkets. Being a kid and get lost in a supermarket is a pleasurable enjoyment!

I'll be picking out a lousy drawing with a red 'X' on... and a wooded piece of a failed attempt of making a blade, goofing out:

I got a treasure map here! I drew a treasure map! I don't know exactly how this building looks like inside, but we'll use this map! Let's get on an adventure and search after the most precious treasure called as instant coffee! It's a miracle drink. The caffeine is GOOD!

And as the guy stand there, I snap him with a little snapper from a crab. I'd be having it for dinner, and I'll be eating it raw.

He would be jumping around and yelling; "Are you out of your –Beeeeep!- mind?!" – And the crab is still hanging on his ugly face. The next thing, I'll throw a whole bucket filled with crabs right at him. Then the crabs start to snap his butt, "ARGH! YOU REALLY ARE OUT OF YOUR –BEEEEEP!- MIND, YOU CRAZY BASTARD!"

"–BEEP!- YOU AND YOUR CRAPPY CRABS!"

I stand there, and I go: "Yeah... Yeah, -Beep!- me. You wanna do that, won't you!

Don't get near me! Don't get any-! I'll kick your goddamn ass, if you take a step closer!

Don't touch me, you gay-BITCH! You gay-BASTARD!"

Oh, and that bastard just stole my dinner... now I have to find something else to eat.

Ha-ha...

You're so insane, Hikaru. You seriously need some help, bro.

...

I'm highly terrified – well, who wouldn't? Though I'm not a part of what's happening over there on that messy bed, I'm still seeing a guy getting all ecstatic. And it's not some guy, but nonetheless my dear...

I can't make myself to say his name!

And he just pants heavily and gasps after the air... _- Panting. - Gasping._

...

Just why am I watching this in the first place?

I just stand there and stare at the source of my 'whatever reason' for seeing all this, as my face is twitching the corner of my mouth, just standing there...

... -Clears throat-

Now, this is what you get see, if you were in my place. The eyes are half-lifted with his head tilting a bit backwards. His cheeks are so madly red, as he pants open-mouthed. And as you stand there and watch, you feel the hotness, you're starting to burn. You feel the heat rising up, and soon enough you'll be useful as a toaster. And the sight: completely expo-... exposss-! Argh, forget it! This is getting way too much!

I swallow down the lump in my throat; oh good lord...

_- Sweating. – Burning. - It's gonna be so hot, you dirty kid! _– WHAT!?

I think I'm gonna throw up all over the floor; I'm getting sick of seeing this.

And the devil-voice rants again:

'_Yeah... you like it, don't you?'_

'_No! I don't freaking like it! And why are you here in the first place!?'_

'_Tch. Does it matter? Stop being an idiot and realize that you like it. It's only obvious, or else you wouldn't be dreaming this.'_

'_Yeah, as if! I would rather puke, than to see this!'_

'_Hee-hee, still in denial, I see...'_

Freaking voice...

This is really scaring the guts out of me. I don't even know why I would be seeing this; I'm not even a pervert. But anyone wouldn't be able to turn away, no matter how much disturbing this is. No matter much you try to look away, you just can't fucking...! ARRRRGH! KAMI, NOT THIS! DON'T LET ME SEE THIS!

And he screams out, getting all excited_ - Oooohh! It's so painful!_

NOOO! NO WAY! Wake up, Hikaru! Wake the hell up! Haven't I told you to stop staring!? Stop staring at him already!

**-BUMP!-**

JUST WAKE UP, YOU DIMWIT!

**-BUMP!-**

COME ON, FUCKING WALL! HELP ME!

"_H-Hikaru...!" _- A voice calls out.

My face burns at once, as I jump backwards in fear. My reaction is like:

_Waaaaah! Oh crap! Don't look at me with those lustful eyes! I don't wanna see! Please! Don't, please!_

"Come on, come on! Open up, you stupid door!"

-Click!-

"Yes! Better run offffff-..." Shit... now I remember why exactly I was here in the first place.

"ARGH! SHIMATTA!!" – And as I try to push back the door again, this huge thing outside slams against it, screaming out like a beast.

"GOD, HELP! STAY OUT, FREAKING CRAB!" – Ah, so that's why I didn't like crabs' snappers.

There's a huge crab outside, waiting to get it's claws on me.

I just realized that I'm dreaming about a giant crab.

GODDAMN IT, HIKARU! Seeing Dane Cook shows late at night, that's really fucking cool!

Now you just proved yourself that you're freaking gay! YOU STUPID DUMBASS!

-Inset monster-crab scream in here-

"Come on! Wake the hell up!"

-SLAP!-

...

"Wha-...? What the-...?"

Just what happened?

My eyes try to register what just happened there, seeing a blurred figure in front of me. I narrow my eyes to see if I could see the figure clearly. The sight registers a mirror image of myself.

"Kaoru?" my throat is somewhat dry, like I've been screaming a lot. I mean, A LOT.

Kaoru looks at me with an utter concerned face - though I won't get to see much of it, since the next thing he do is laying his head on my shoulder.

"K-Kaoru!" I don't know why I'm blushing, but it could have been because of the dream, and the fact that Kaoru's shirtless.

"Thank god, Hikaru...!" he whispers out in relief. But he still sounds so terrified.

"Kaoru..." I'm so filled with gratefulness, as tears appear on my eyes; "You... You saved me! Kaoru, you're my beary saviour!" I caught him in a big hug, embracing him with the childish happiness I felt inside.

I'm so happy that I survived the horrible nightmare, so happy that I could kis-! NO! No, no, no, n-!

-SLAP!-

"OW!" – Arrghh! What was that?!

"Kaoru, I'm awake now! You don't have to hit me the second time!"

"I know, but that's not why I slapped you."

...

"Then what?"

And he twitches his face:

He mumbles out, which I'm not so sure about what. I get a 'damn' and a 'dense'... something in that way. It sounds like: "Damn you Hikaru, for being so dense."

...

"Sorry, what did you say?"

And he sighs out deeply - "Let go, Hikaru."

"Kaoru, what are you sayin-?"

"JUST LET GO OF MY PANTS ALREADY!"

* * *

-RRIIIINNG!-

We're here in the classroom, and we have just finished the last class.

Good grief, we're finally done with the class! The others have been staring strangely at me and my twin. They had probably a reason of why. They didn't ask about this strange tension, which has been floating around in the room the whole time though.

Kaoru hasn't been talking to me either, since we came here to school.

I think that if we don't talk to each other for a while, I can cool down a bit. I can take a nice breath in and try to relax. If I don't relax, I'm mostly freaking out. - Obviously. After all, all this nervousness and freaking-out-thing I get is because of Kaoru.

Even in the dreams, he freaks me out. Though, I don't know if he has realized it yet... ha-ha, of course he hasn't!

It was probably the best. It seems like I can't stop screwing up, wherever I and Kaoru cross each other in the halls or actually everywhere. I can't seem to stop thinking about Kaoru, as my mind always floats to thoughts about him. I end up getting the hotness on my cheeks with my hands placed on the sides of my head, just to think about Kaoru makes me uneasy.

What freaks me out the most is that I'm talking off his clothes... while being asleep.

I'm so tired... I haven't been sleeping great lately...

Haruhi has been contacting me sometimes, but not much came out of my mouth. Sometimes, Kaoru would be glancing at us, while we were talking a bit. I noticed his gaze and jump a bit, suddenly sweating a lot. My lip hurts, because I have been biting on it so hardly, every time my brother gave me the glance. That little glance is suddenly terrifying for me.

"Hikaru."

I look up from my table, which I have been staring on the whole morning till afternoon.

"Let's go to the others." Her smile makes me feel a bit easier.

I smile back at her, nodding the head. As we start walking towards the third music room, a conversation gets in place.

"Where's Kaoru anyway?"

"He headed towards the club before us, didn't he tell you?"

"Oh, really? I probably didn't hear him then."

She blinks a bit with her eyes - "That's odd... You usually listen to everything he says."

"Yeah, I know... I've just been a bit off lately."

"Is there something going on between you two?"

"Ah, well... kinda, I guess."

Haruhi looks at me for a moment. She actually pulled my face down, and went: "Are you having nightmares?"

And before I knew it, - "H-HOW DO YOU KNOW!?" – the cool burns off immediately.

"Are you hiding something from Kaoru?"

If my face could burn more... - "I'm not hiding anything!"

"Hikaru, are you okay?"

"Yeah! I'm totally fine!"

"Why does your voice sound so pitch?"

"No, it's not!" - Pathetic! That was so pathetic. You can't say that it's not, when it sounds like an overloaded talking computer, which is about to explode. The voice going pitcher for every second there goes. – Warning! Warning! Warning-!... BOOOOOOMM!!

- Absolutely **pathetic.**

She doesn't know something, right?! She can't be actually guessing correctly about what's happening in my mind, RIGHT?! If she does know... OOOOH NO! That would be a disaster!

"How did you know I'm having nightmares, Haruhi?!"

"It's easy to tell with that face. You really need to rest some more."

...

"God Haruhi, don't scare me like that!"

"Ha-ha... Hai, hai. I'm sorry, Hikaru."

Don't laugh! I really thought she knew something about it! Thank god that she doesn't.

Haruhi frowns at me. "If it's _just_ a nightmare, then why not tell Kaoru?"

Well, it's not like I don't wanna share every piece of my crazy thoughts, put them down in coloury boxes with bows on, and then deliver them as gifts to my favourite brother.

I would love to, just dragging that large bag and go like:

- Here's a little piece of my mind! I'm gonna share it with you, Kaoru! I'm gonna share this little piece of –BEEP!- with you!" – And no, I'm not Santa Claus. I won't be 'hoho'-ing like some fat guy. I deliver gifts to my dear beloved twin-brother, not the whole world.

And if he wants more: What? You want to share my whole mind? Fine! If you want to, then it's fine! But the bag's gonna be filling your whole house with insane thoughts. The bag can't even be inside the house, so we'll have it outside of our home. Just ignore the neighbours, okay? They'll be soon pancakes like their own houses.

I should probably warn him about the boxes: Be careful, Kaoru! Be careful! Some of them are like **'Yeah... xxxx me!'**... I just wanted you to know, d-don't bullshit me! I just wanted you to know.

...

...Insane.

"Have you told Kaoru about it?"

"Well, no. I haven't really... talked about them with him."

"You should, or else it might be getting worse."

"I don't really feel telling them to him." I try to keep down the faint blush on my cheeks, somewhat succeeding in the attempt.

"Would you mind telling me then?"

And then I feel my cheeks burning at once, getting really hot.

You know, so hot that you could bowl water on the top of my head. I suddenly feel like drinking Shomin Kouhii right now. That kind of coffee is somewhat attracting with its taste. I better remember to get Haruhi to buy some; I'll bother her with that later.

"I-if I can't tell Kaoru, then I couldn't tell you either."

"Oh, right... But you know that I just wanted to help you."

"It's fine, Haruhi. I'll think of something, I promise." – I really appreciate her help, and I think she knows that I do. After all, she smiles to me afterwards.

"Just rest some more, okay?"

"Got it. Thanks Haruhi."

"Anytime. I actually thought that you're feeling a bit down."

"Wha-?! I'm not depressed!"

She chuckles a bit. "I didn't say that."

* * *

Before the Host Club opens, Kaoru has dragged me into the changing room, telling me that we're going to have a little chit-chat before we get out again.

The first thing he says, as he turns around: "Do you want to change roles?"

"What?" – I couldn't help but blink at him.

My twin sighs out, "We can't continue on this, Hikaru. Tono's gonna have our heads, if we don't do something about this."

I watch him a bit - "But why change roles?"

A hand claps on my shoulder. "No offence, but you've been vulnerable lately. Not what the seme in the brotherly love act should be."

Well, he did say no offence. "Are you sure that changing roles will help?"

"Hopefully it does. I can't really think of any other than that in such a short time. The club is about to open after all."

Truth is that I can't play out the brotherly love act so well lately. I end up running away, or getting all tear-eyed, or get high-pitched, sometimes them all on the same time!

And that freaking blush that pops on my face; GET OFF! I look like a traffic light! Except for I can only be red, going bright red and stop the cars from driving.

Too bad that I can't go green, so you're stuck on this road! Ha-ha!

...

Well, if it helps...

"Okay, so let's switch then."

And thus... we switched roles and parted our hair the other side, before the girls came inside the room.

I don't think that anyone noticed that we've changed roles, except for Haruhi of course. But she just let us be and continued on her job as a host.

Other than her haven't notice anything yet.

"Do you think that it would rain today, Kaoru-kun?"

"Well, the weather forecast did say it would be, Yoshida-san."

"Of course." She giggles a bit.

"How have your day been, Hiromi-san?" I ask one of the girls politely.

"It has been pleasant, Kaoru-kun." She answers with a smile, giggling with her hand in front of her mouth.

"That's great to hear." I put on a soft smile, the one that's usually on Kaoru face instead. "It would be sad to hear if you princesses didn't have great times."

The entire crowd stares with folded hands, as the blush on their faces grows.

"That was so sweet, Kaoru-kun!"

"So cute!"

'_What the hell are you doing?'_

'_What now!?'_

'_Do you think that this would seriously help you?'_

'_I'm just doing my job!'_

'_Your job? What I can tell from here is that you're doing your BROTHER'S job, and not YOURS.'_

'_Kaoru's or mine, what difference is there?'_

'_God, you're so fucking dense that it almost hurts.'_

But despite the devil-voice, everything seemed nice and just normal.

That was until:

"Kaoru-kun, you seem a bit different?"

-Twitch- "Really, Chieko-san? How different?"

"Well, you're smile is kinda stiff today. Are you fine?"

That blasted girl! Oh, so I don't smile like Kaoru, do I? I would have punched her in the face, but that would blow everything off. I should find a way to make her get lost. No, a way to make her never coming back in here, that would at least makes things better.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for asking me." I put on a bright smile, hiding the death-glare behind.

Kaoru gives me a quick glance. I bet he noticed the annoyance boiling inside my veins.

"Kaoru's just a bit scared." My twin smiles to the girl, laying his arm upon my shoulder.

The smile on his face turns into a smirk, as he places his hand under my chin. "After all, he had a bad dream last night."

...

SAY WHAT!?

"You had a nightmare, Kaoru-kun!?"

"Kawaisou!"

That doesn't sound like something he just made up.

'_An act... it's an act! Don't lose your cool just because of that!'_

Right! Right! Calm down, bro. Just do your act, Hikaru.

"I thought that you wouldn't tell...!" As the part of the act, I let head go downcast in shame, trying to get that damn blush on my face.

I wonder how Kaoru can do this. He makes it seem so easy.

Kaoru frowns at me, "Sorry... I guess I couldn't help it."

And then for all the sudden, his hand softly strokes under my chin, making my eyes to widen.

"But you were just too cute at that time..."

I think my mind went: '...'

Wait...

'...'

Shimatta! There's no sight of my crazy thoughts! Where the heck did they run off to!

"K... H-Hikaru... I-I-!" – DAMN IT! Stop caressing me under my chin! I'm shivering the crap out of me!

My voice is suddenly shaking a lot, and it's first now I realized that I was talking in a pitcher tone.

I got startled by the touch, and it caused me to freaking jump! Kaoru, however, held me down with the grasp on my shoulder, preventing my legs from running off again. Oh boy...

Kaoru's right, I am more vulnerable than I've ever been. - More vulnerable than he had ever been.

"Is something wrong, dear brother?" – He sounds so caring it almost kills me!

What the hell was I thinking?! Changing GODDAMN roles is not helping!

'_See? What did I tell you?'_

'_SHUT UP!'_

Damn, I just gave that devil-voice right!

I wish that girl would stop watching me. Even if I did switch with Kaoru, she still wouldn't stop staring at _me!_

"What's the matter, Kaoru-kun?" I think it was Yoshida-san, who asked me that question. "You seem a bit nervous..."

"I'm okay, it's just-! K-Hikaru, stop that!" He makes a disappointed frown, but I know it's just for the act.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asks again.

I try my best to not say his name instead of mine, smiling back at him. It's kinda weird to say my own name in this way.

"I'm fine, Hikaru."

...

"...Kaoru." he makes a sad expression, pulling me into an embrace, which I think was the reason of why the heat is on my cheeks. I swallow down what's inside my throat; that blasted lump of nervousness. Usually, I'm the one hugging him, and he was never the one to hug first. It gives me a warm feeling being in his arms, the feeling of being beloved.

Why does it make me wanna jump into a pool?

"You know you can always tell me if there's anything, right?"

...

"Because that's what we have each other for."

"..."

"I'll be there for you-..."

"I'm fine."

"Kaoru...?"

I stand up from the couch, smiling at them all.

"Excuse me, I just realized that I forgot something in the classroom, I'll be right back."

My feet feel heavy, as I walk towards the door.

Everything was so heavy; the air, the light that shining upon the room and something invisible lying on my shoulders.

"He seems depressed..."

I think my face twitched by that state.

Once I got out through the doorframe, my legs became light, and I started to run off again.

"Kaoru!" I hear my brother's name, but it's obvious that Kaoru calls after me.

Unbelievable as it is, I have never felt so weak.

Though, I said classroom, I ran outside to the courtyard instead.

My feet stopped, when I came to the school's fountain.

As I looked up to the sky, the rain came - just what the weather forecast had promised.

...

'_Tell anything, huh?'_

...

Something just hit me right on the chest, like I got a blow right on my stomach, and I would be falling down and roll around on the ground in pain.

The rain became worse.

I felt as if my eyes were making a waterfall, getting my entire face wet. Though it's not true, because...

- I don't cry.

Now when I remember... I haven't been so seriously crying for a long time.

I had to yell something out, this was driving me crazy.

Stupid freaking rain, stupid freaking dreams!

I hate cliché...

"I'M NOT FREAKING DEPRESSED!"

* * *

Okay, well...

I have changed the rating to M, you know... for the safety side.

Anyways, please review?

:3

- Kunisaki


	4. The Tragic Fate

Author's note: Writing chapter 4 is like hell.

I don't know about you guys, but I've always been getting brain-aches, when writing chapters with number 4. I don't know, 4 is just like the problematic chapter ever!

This took me a long time to finish off.

Also, when I've started school again, it only takes even a longer time to finish!

Chapter 4: HELL

...

Anyways... -bows-

Please enjoy, dear reader.

* * *

-- CHAPTER FOUR --

-- The Tragic Fate --

* * *

Hi everybody! Hitachiin Hikaru is here!

-Round of applause-

Thanks, thanks! Welcome to my show!

Ahh... Well, let me first tell you guys that... uh, we've been having a lot of strange events lately, like you know... like too personally dreams and the wake-up scenes.

Anyways... Since you had the trouble of getting inside my mind, I better entertain you, my dear guest.

LET'S START THE SHOW!

* * *

"Kaoru..." I rise up, trying to sit properly on the bed.

I mess up my hair a bit. "When are you planning to sleep?"

"..." His brow twitches, his eyes are narrowed, and his nervous-irritate-looking expression is on his face. His hands are folded, and his elbows are placed on his knees. Also, his chin is lying on his folded hands. There is a reason to why he's acting like this.

I start grimacing. It's getting awkward to just sit beside him on our bed.

He just sits there like-...

Well, he's just sitting there next to me with a somewhat bigger space between us then before, which is something new.

It's so quiet, and I'm like hearing that ticking noise. I'm like: GOD! I wanna SMASH that clock!

I should just break this awkward silence with the clock, smashing it into the wall and point at the broken not-anymore-ticking object and just laugh!

At least, that would get his attention.

I see that he's done with 'The Fashion book' or at least has placed it back on his table.

Now that I remember, I haven't looked in it since I was in my 2nd year of middle school.

I'm getting worried about him. He's never _this_ quiet. And why he's not? Because that's just not him. No, Kaoru's not quiet. Even if you think he is, he's not. 'Cause we're the Hitachiins, we freaking laugh our guts out. I'm just louder than him. That's all.

Who the heck have I been yelling with at the whole time then? Myself?! Yeah, fancy that!

Laughing without anyone to laugh with me, HA HA!

Feels awfully weird... and stupid.

"Kaoru, come ON. It's 2 in the morning." I try to see if he's going to react or not. He seems pretty off.

"Then why didn't you just sleep instead of waiting for me?" OH! He answered!

"Mou... You know that I can't sleep with having the thoughts of you being awake, Kaoru."

"Maybe you should let off that habit. It's not healthy, Hikaru."

...

Somehow, this makes me rather-...

"What's wrong with big brothers being worried of their litter brothers, KAORU?"

"Nothing. You're just concerning too much, HIKARU."

-Twitch- "Never mind then!" Why did we end up fighting? I'm not even mad or anything.

It must be because of Kaoru's tone. When he's annoyed or something close as that, his tone hits on the bad nerves. It's just something he can do to anyone. It's like... when he's mad, he can make the whole world mad as well.

I'm not sure if I should out my hand on his shoulder. I mean, I just want to be sure that he hasn't turned into a rock. I tried to touch him, but my hand was like resisting. It –BEEP!- stopped on the half of the way. My other hand fights against it, trying to pull it forward;

_'Come ON! Why the hell did you lock yourself right at this moment!?'_

It has never been so hard to just poke him. Hands are the ones who lock doors and such, not locking themselves. I've never heard of that before.

My hand number 2 goes: _'STOP being a SISSY and tap on that shoulder! What's your problem?! It's just a poke!'_

Hand number 1: _'Well, then why don't YOU freaking tap instead!? I don't lock myself without a reason! I'm fucking scared to death!'_

I seriously didn't know that hands could talk.

Well, most because they DO NOT talk.

Anyways, my hand magically tapped on his shoulder. (Gasp! It's MAGIC!) He lifted his head a bit, turned the look at me.

"Are... are you ready?" I ask him concerned, but somehow it came out weird.

It sounded like I was about to burst out laughing.

Kaoru looks at me for a second, until he nods tiredly.

"You know... we could tie my hands, see if that would work." I didn't just say that! I mean... KAMI, I'm getting the wrong picture, even though I'm actually THE ONE who wanted to help!

Lately, I have been saying sentences that would sound awfully wrong. And I hate when that happen!

He chuckles a bit, "Don't use that line like that. You sounded too serious."

I'm seriously thinking that my face is burning. And not that kind of burning that I like, but the kind of burning that I freaking hate like crap. That's the only burning that I dislike.

My brother shakes his head. "We better not. It would leave ugly marks around your wrists, plus the girls would be asking weird questions."

"Wouldn't it just make it more interesting then?"

"Yeah, it would. But you wouldn't handle what comes afterwards." He says as the last thing, before he turns his back to me and pulls the blanket over himself.

Even though he means it for my own good, I can't help feeling bad about this. I mean really BAD.

I lay down again, staring at the dark ceiling right above us.

I wonder...

Could I make myself to tell him?

I mean, ARGH!

_'It could have been a lot easier if Kaoru just knew!'_

...

'_If he...'_ My mind clicked in the next second.

'_If he just knew that I-...'_

That's it... That's the answer. If Kaoru just knew... Yeah... it would make things better, easier! A WHOLE LOT EASIER! Yeah, it would! Then I wouldn't have to hide anything from him! He would know that I love him, and then I don't have to pretend like nothing.

It's just that... HOW THE HELL CAN I TELL HIM!? I mean, NO WAY! NO, NEVER! Yeah, I freaking tell my brother that I love him like madly, as if! I wouldn't like to see that day, when I admit my love for him! It would be CHAOS! He would just –BEEP!- turn away and leave me like-...!

AAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!

AM I TRYING TO KILL MYSELF!? DON'T THINK ABOUT IT, OR ELSE I'M GOOD AS **DEAD**!!

It freaking hurts! It jabs me in the chest with invisible knifes, and Kaoru's not even sending them!

If Kaoru knew –CRASH!– No, I would definitely **not** tell him.

I groan at myself.

Stop wondering and get some rest!

* * *

And so by the following morning...

...

...

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!"

WHAT THE F-!?

"Kaoru! What's wrong!? KAORU!"

Oh my god, I think I heard my brother screaming!

"Kaoru, where are you!? Kao-!"

...

What?

"W-where did he...?" I throw the look around, getting quite confused to this emptiness.

Apparently, he's not nearby. He's not in our room.

Was the screaming just something I imagined?

Though, the wondering wasn't so long. 'Cause short after, the door to the bathroom opens up, and I hear like footsteps on the floor.

I turn my head towards the sound. "K-Kaoru!"

I feel relieved, when I see my brother with a confused expression.

"What?" He raises his brow, while drying his wet hair with a towel. "What is it?"

I breathe out in relief. "God, don't scare me like that! I thought something bad happened!"

He raises his eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

I was about to reply, when suddenly...

...

"Ah, soka. I almost forgot... I bet you didn't hear what we were talking about in the class yesterday."

Kaoru points a finger upwards. He turns his head over his shoulder. "We're going to have a class-trip in the next week, and..."

_Bip.bip.bip..._

"..." I think my eyes widened in a split second.

I didn't think about what he was saying, because I was disturbed by a **certain** else.

He continues, "Edo, how should I say this... We'll get to discuss about where to go in the first lesson, and I've been thinking that we..."

_Bip.bip.bip..._

...

"That we should..."

...

"..."

...

"Hikaru, are you igno-?"

_Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip._

"OOI, HIKARU!"

I CAN'T BREATHE.

"Hikaru, get a hold of yourself!" Kaoru shouts, grabbing after my upper-arms and shakes me constantly. "Breathe, you idiot!"

The next thing; I let myself take my largest breath ever. "GOD! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!?"

I wasn't prepared to see THAT!

My twin throws the look directly at me, "I'm not-! What makes you think that?!"

My index finger points at his lower part. "THEN WHY ARE YOU ONLY WEARING A TOWEL?!"

And he stared dumbfounded at me. "I just took a shower; isn't it obvious? What's the problem with that?"

I suddenly want to hit my own face into a wall. "YOU ALMOST KILLED ME! THAT'S THE PROBLEM! DON'T WALK AROUND NAKE-!"

...

Oh dear lord... I did NOT just say that!

Kami-sama... Why can't I just shut the hell up!? It's actually first now I realized what I have just said. I feel slapping myself on the face! He stares for a second, until he sweat-drops, "Right, right... I suppose you're not the type to be carefree about this, after all." His palms let off my arms, as he turns around for the wardrobe. "But unlike you, I don't have any problems about walking around almost naked."

Nantoka... How should I say this? Suddenly, it all just turned out awkward. Erh... I feel a bit weird.

"Ah, well... I just... NO! Don't walk around NAKED!" and I burst out again.

It's obvious that I would shout, because I just can't stand to see him like-! Like-! ... Like only in a towel! OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!

He rolls his eyes, walking towards the wardrobe. "I did say 'almost'."

I don't remember how many times I have been breathless. But I remember a few of the times.

Heck... There have been times where I have gotten breathless by just one freaking look.

And when that happens, I'll go like this: "..."

I'm just –beep!- staring like: OH MY GOD! But nothing gets out of my mouth. Do you know that feeling? The feeling of being a soundless idiot? You can't do anything but stare... and stare till you can't freaking breathe anymore.

You'll just end up like: "GAAAASP! DUDE, ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCKING KILL ME?!"

There's always that--no, that BIG gasp, when you trying to get a grip of yourself so you don't freaking pass out.

And after that gasp, there's this huge out-burst that would make you say something entirely stupid.

I've tried it plenty of times, and the most of them were because of Kaoru.

I once at a time had-... You need to hear this! Even when Kaoru had said it before; I didn't think about it and just walked into the bathroom, while he was showering. I shouldn't have done that, I know! It's completely stupid! My face turned completely pale like a ghost, and I just couldn't –beep!- breathe. When Kaoru found me, he was shocked and started to shake me. Then the gasp came like 'HeEAagh!' and I went: "JUST FINISH OFF YOUR BATH!!"

...

I mean, how pathetic can I get?

I can't believe that I became breathless by seeing Kaoru only in a towel. Well, DO'H! Of course I would freak out! HELL, I got breathless, when I saw him without anything! That's even worse! I hate the word 'naked' like hell. And being in a towel! As in like **nothing underneath! **That towel could easily be taken off –Swoop!- and then you'll find yourself completely exposed.

It's just a horrible thing to see someone naked--IF YOU SAY NUDITY IS BEAUTIFUL, I'LL STAB YOU IN THE EYES.

I've already told that being naked is not art, but there's still people out there, who draw that shit! If I see someone in a museum and hear them say: "Ah, that's a beautiful painting!" to a picture of a **naked** man or woman, I'll grab that person by the collar, pull them out to through the backdoor and stab them in the eyes.

Then I'll go: "NOW YOU CAN'T FUCKING SEE THAT GODDAMN SHIT, YOU BLIND ASS! BE GRATEFUL THAT I DON'T STAB YOU IN THE JAW TOO!"

I'll be the guy stabbing people in the eyes. If you agree with them, come and say hello and I'll stab you in the eyes.

"Hello!" –STAB!-

"Thanks for coming... NEXT!"

...

How the heck did I get that thought in mind?

-Chuckles-

"What was that?!"

"Nothing, nothing." Kaoru waves at me, still laughing quietly behind the closet's door.

I feel my face twitch. "You freaking laughed."

He paused for a second, and then turned himself awfully slow. "And?"

I couldn't hep but grimace a face. I don't really like how he looks at me.

My brother shakes his head a bit, wearing an amused grin. "I swear, Hikaru... You can be so stupid sometimes."

He turns the look up, "Omae wa baka ya darou?"

I felt rather offended there. "Nanjasorya!? Omae wa-! Wait, why are we talking in Japanese?"

I couldn't help but stare blankly, blinking my eyes twice in confusion.

My twin brother sweat-drops. "What are you talking about? We've always been talking in Japanese."

I'm still feeling weird. I got no clue of why, but I'm feeling awkward.

"EH!? Demo, datte-!" Is it just me, or is there something that's just completely wrong? Whatever it is, it's not funny!

"Tonikaku..." he sighs out deeply. I turn my eyes up.

For some wicked and scary way, I suddenly find his face dangerously close to mine.

"K...Kao-!" I'm stammering... Why the HELL am I stammering?!

Sure, I got a shock, when seeing him so close that we almost could brush each other's li-... Aaargghh!! NOT AGAIN!!

"To think that you would freak out just by this..." I gulped. Why is he smiling like that?! I don't like it! I don't like the way he's smiling! God, he's still only wearing that towel!

I think I froze, when he touched my cheek with his palm.

He chuckles a bit. "But I guess that's just you being cute."

...

"WHAT!?"

I AM **NOT** CUTE!

"Are you trying to make fun of me!?"

Don't fucking dare to call me cute! I am not-! HELL, you wanna DIE by a giant hammer or something?!

I would gladly slam you into a pancake and point my finger at you like HAHA!

"Of course not, why would I?"

"Don't play innoce-!" I stopped mid-sentenced, feeling some weight crawling over me. I... I have no idea of what he's trying to do. I don't know what's going on. Heck, I actually do know what's going on, but I don't have any clue of how it ended like THIS!

My mind is screaming:

_'GOD, KAORU! JUST WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?'_

"Hikaru... can I ask you something?" I can feel his breath on my face. Oh for the love of-!

"S-sure... go on!"

And he clears his throat, before he says: "Are you gay?"

...

#/&+!!

"HAHAHA! SAY WHAT!? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT!?"

SHIT! This –BEEP!- can be –BEEP!- happening! Oh god, THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!

I mean, why!? WHY?! Why can I meet something pleasant?! No, it has to be something horrifying, HUH? I think I'll end up being completely INSANE, and it's like I don't have any choses other than to experience all this madness with my own eyes! I went all pale when I saw him. Him, Kaoru, my twin brother being so close with his face and he's on top of me. AND he's freaking asking me about being gay!

I think my mind is trying to kill me.

I mean, freaking! If this was a love-comedy or a shoujo manga--hell... it wouldn't be a shoujo manga, but a yaoi comic!

I'm not even interested in love-comedies, let along any romantic movies, which the TV shows people late at night.

How I know that is because I've been watching TV, when I couldn't fall asleep.

I haven't been able to fall asleep lately, so I just zap through the programs, until I find something interesting. And when I feel all tired, I sneak back into my room and lay myself beside my twin. By the following morning, I find out that I've been taking off his clothes again.

I hated watching TV when I was a kid. Unlike any other children, I found it boring and brainwashing. There were all those really bad cartoons and superhuman-people with tights on. I mean, what the –BEEP!-?! He freaking crashed through your fucking wall without a warning! And he was wearing those crazy tights... Now, what the heck was that?! I don't really remember how many of those creepy TV-programs I have seen. I know that I was freaking disappointed!

I mean, what were they showing to kids? What are they-?! They're freaking trying to BRAINWASH us!

Freaking good-for-nothing glass-bowl of punch -BOOUF!- crashes into your living room through your fucking wall.

I remember some kid pointed at me with the most hatred expression, shouting out: "KOOL-AID-HATE'ER!"

I went; "Yeah, whatever! At least I would rather kick that glass-son of bitch, instead of drinking from his idiot-dumb head with all that debris floating around!" Fucking drink out of him... It was horrible! A horrible combination of juice wearing tights! I don't like that!

I really **hated** TV on that time.

But that was until one faithful day, after some years and I went:

"OOOOOOH! That THING just hit her in the face! It –BEEP!- hit her! He's shooting her with an AK47! Oh my god, I think she's DEAD! ... Move aside, I wanna watch this! Pass me the popcorns."

And Kaoru was sweat-dropping, grabbing after my shoulder and went: "What happened to the hate of TV?"

"Huh? Oh forget that. I'm watching people in pain here. This is A LOT better than beverages wearing tights!"

Somehow, it makes me shiver.

Most because I apparently enjoy watching people die, and that is a bit freaky.

I especially like to watch TV, when someone is swallowed up by FIRE.

I'm like, "He-he... that's right. Burn up, bitch." I have a thing for fire. I just love it.

Fire is like the best.

It got the F, and the I, and the REEEEEE! It's just burns, you know. It's just gonna be SO hot!

I remember people asking me what I wanted to be, when I grew up. Adults have always that thing about asking small kids such a question. I told them that I wanted to be a fireman.

...

What?! No, I swear! I'm totally honest! I really want to be a fireman. Not that kind of fireman, where I spray everything with a hose! But the kind of **fire**-man, where I burn buildings and bridges down. A fireman and a **fire**-man are totally the opposite. Don't laugh, I was only a kid! I didn't know it was called pyromaniac, until Kaoru told me. He's always better at words.

I have to tell you this... Whenever I'm playing with fire, I feel like a BAD ASS. Sometimes, I would grab after a lighter and just stare at it. Just stare at that little shinning container with lighter fluid flowing inside. And as wide grin pops out on my lips, I whisper out darkly, "Today... I feel like a PYRO!"

Yeah, I would run around, light some fire right in front of the people's faces!

I would yell out like the bad ass **mother fucker** I am: "BURN BABY, BURN!" and scare the crap out of people.

But then some guy would apparently have a cigarette in his mouth, and he's gonna be like, "Hey, thanks kid!"

You know what? I would throw the lighter after him!

And when it hit him in the face, "NO SMOKING IN THE HALLS, YOU BASTARD! YOU'RE PESTING THE OXYGEN!"

If Kaoru was there, he would put his hand on my shoulder like always and say, "Hikaru... we're freaking outside."

...

-Chuckles- How in the name of Kami did 'bad TV-commercials' go to 'pyromaniac'? What the-?

Never mind.

...

"Hikaru." Oh crap... he sounds so serious. "Are you or are you not gay?"

-Gulps!- "I-... I don't know what you're talking about...! Why did you even ask?!"

He shrugs on his shoulder indifferently. "Just wondering... since you keep taking off my clothes and such."

GOD! My face is burning like hell!

"B-BECAUSE OF TH-!? I'M NOT DOING IT ON PURPOSE!!"

"It was just a question, Hikaru."

"THEN DON'T ASK ME SUCH QUESTIONS, OKAY?!"

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever... it would just have made things easier."

"Yeah, fine! But, could you get off, so I coul-..." My eyes widened in the next moment. "...What?"

"You heard me." Kaoru respond in a low voice. I feel his palms crawling to my cheeks. "Things would have been easier for you, if you were just honest to me."

"I... I am honest to you."

He frowns slightly, his hand moving to the back of my head. "I don't believe that."

Kami, I've never been bothered by his weight before. It feels like I'm about to fall off from a cliff, as I sit on our bed with him in front of me. And he's on knees with my legs in between.

"...Kaoru." I shut my eyes tightly. "Just what are you doing?!"

"What does it look like?" he whispers dangerously into my ear, giving me the horrible chills.

_Warning! Warning! Warning!_

"Like I would know! That's why I'm asking!" It couldn't be that! It just couldn't! God, if it is! BLOODY HELL!

"Kaoru, shouldn't you be asking yourself!? Why would you do this then?!"

What the HECK am I saying!? Why did I ask THAT!?

"Me?" he blinks with his eyebrow raised up. "I'm not the one who's getting hard."

_See you!_ -BOOOOOOOOOM!!-

Now that's just fucking bullshit...

"KAORU, GET OFFFFFAH!"

And he lays his arms around my neck. "Hikaru, just tell me what's been going on in your head lately."

How the heck can he be so fucking calm?!

"I SAID GET OFF, NOT SIT DOWN!"

He tch'ed at me... he's never tch'ed at me before! "Sorry, am I **heavy** to you?" AND HE'S STILL ONLY WEARING THAT FUCKING TOWEL!!

I face-slap myself, and it was a pretty hard slap.

"It's not the fact of your weight, but the fact how TINY the space between us IS!"

And he just turns the look down. "Oh..." he points with his index finger. "You mean this?"

I feel like punching him right now. Too bad that I can't.

"For love of--GOD! JUST GET OFF MY LAP ALREADY!"

Why did it also have to be so freaking hard to have a crush on someone? Fucking give me an answer! I'm tired of this CRAP!

Why am I being tortured? It's like someone has something against me! Or maybe they just love to see me suffer!

Well, you guys succeeded! Aren't you happy now!? I'M –BEEEEEP!- SUFFERING DOWN HERE, DO YOU HEAR ME!? HELLOOOOOOOOO!?

It's not like it's possible for people to make me suffer like this anyway. There aren't people out there, who are writing down my misery on a laptop and let me experience all this madness. It's not possible. I mean, how could that happen?

...

Somehow... I'm getting a bad feeling.

I shake my head fiercely. No, no way! Never mind that! I just-! I just got carried away, that's all. People writing down my misery... yeah right!

What a laugh, Hikaru! A nice joke you got thereee-AAAH!!

"Stop that!"

He blinks. "Stop what?"

"Oh, don't play stupid with--MMPH!"

Oh... boy.

Once my mind registered of what just has happened, I pull off from him immediately. "W-why did you-?!"

He grasp my hair. O_w, ow, ow, ow-!_

"Shut up, will you?" and I get forced towards him again.

Surprisingly, I don't feel anything on my lips... which is strange because I should have. Well, since he's... he's...

_-Click!-_

...Shit. My brain just clicked.

I pull him off again. "WAKE UP, HIKARU!" I shout out, finally realizing why I've been feeling weird.

This is just another freaking dream. "Wake up! Wake UP!"

I keep screaming wake-up calls. I feel grips on my shoulders, as Kaoru shoves me down on the bed like –Bloof!-

Now that I know it's a dream, everything is going to overwhelm me with Kaoru being the one tormenting me! I can't lose to this! I have to wake up now, or else-! GODDAMN IT, is that my drawers flying over there?!

Oh dear! "Stop TOUCHING me! I can't concentrate!"

There's no way that I would start gasping! I mean, how the heck can I just let myself get-...?

OH... GOD! This is UNBELIEVABLE!!

"I'm so gonna kill you if you don't stop right now...!" I hiss between my teeth, trying to keep my senses on place, while I can feel my brother's hands doing that totally dangerous -AHEM!- thing down there. Isn't it great? I'm getting sexual harassed by my twin in a dream. Why do I always get fucked up dreams like this? It's SICK!

Eh... this feels kinda... funny. But it's looks totally WRONG!

"DON'T SUCK ON IT! I'M STILL TRYING TO WAKE UP!"

Is it just me, or does this look weird? Who would start arguing while being sexual harassed? Has that ever happened before?

Well, either way, I shall be the first one then!

"Come on, Hikaru! Just wake up already!"

I'm scared of making that messy sticky thing, if you know what I mean. I shall NOT get to that point, I refuse to! No way in hell that I would!

Is this the point during the... where he... starts positioning...? Shimatta...

_Arara!_

Good Lord, HELP ME!

"AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!! THAT FUCKING HURTS!"

My hand grasps after my pants, and I'm like screaming my lungs out of my chest.

"Hikaru, take it easy!" I hear Kaoru, as he--wait a minute... did I even have my pants on?

"Hikaru?" he claps my cheek lightly. "Hikaru, are you fine?"

"I... I'm..." HALLELUJAH! I'M FREAKING AWAKE!

"Yes... yes, I'm fine... I think."

HA! Take that, St. Nightmare!

–Dances- I'm awake! I'm awake! Oh yeah!

Kaoru watches me with his concerned eyes, until he sighs out deeply in relief. "That's good to hear... 'cause it sounded like you were in pain."

"Ah! Well... You wouldn't like to know what it was, I'm sure of it."

"Was it really that painful?" he blinks with a grimace on his face.

"Yeeaah... We could use that!" I half-laughed nervously. Just thinking about it, makes me shiver.

Kaoru turns his eyes towards the side, it looks like he's also nervous over something. "Eh... Hikaru?"

I blink twice at him. "What is it?"

"Could you..." he twitches his face, "Well... could you please...?"

I just noticed something.

"Kaoru..." I gaped a bit. "You're still wearing your clothes on!" Does that mean I haven't taken off his clothes?

"That's kinda what I wanna talk with you about, Hikaru."

"Oh..." Was something wrong?

"What's the matter then?"

He takes a deep breath with closed eyes, before he opens them again and stares sharply into mine.

"I don't want to be rude or anything. But the fact that you haven't taken off my clothes, it just turns out to something else."

I don't feel glad about hearing this...

"Something...? Like what?"

"Well, Hikaru... as your twin-brother, it's not that I wouldn't care, because I do. I just don't feel comfortable of being inside the same room with you anymore, I hope that you would understand th-..."

"Wait, wait, wait! HOLD ON A SECOND! Are you telling me that you want your own room? Why?!"

I shouldn't have a problem with that, but... why do I refuse?

"Please don't interfere, Hikaru." He states lowly, almost in a whisper. I frown at him. Somehow, I feel kinda bad...

"What I mean is... we can't be sharing the same room, and yes... I want my own room. It's just that it's starting to get awkward and all, and it's not nice to get one's clothes off by the following morning."

I can't believe what he's saying...!

"Kaoru, we have always been sharing rooms! It's so sudden!"

"I know! But it's the best for both of us and-! Hikaru, won't you stop touching my... my- eh HAND?"

What did he say that for? I don't really get him at all.

"Say what?"

...

The next thing; he hits himself on the face. The nervous and shy Kaoru from the host club gets ripped off, while the cold death-stabbing Kaoru takes place and pinches my cheek.

"God! Why should you also be so fucking DENSE?!"

"Itai! ITAI!" Argh! It's seriously hurts when he pinches me on the cheek!

"Listen!" he snares in annoyance, glaring down at me and making me feel like a little scared cat.

"I tried to be nice to you this time, but you still seem to be completely blind about the fact of what you're doing right now!"

So cold...

"But Kaoru, I don't really-...!"

-SLAP!-

ARGH, slapped for a good year! That was even worse!

"ITAI, KAORU!"

He groans in frustration, running his hand down at his face.

"Do I really have to explain it in details for you!? LOOK!"

My twin pulls my head down, so I could see what he meant. I think my face is all red of what I'm seeing.

No, it didn't turn red. It exploded.

Nothing would get too good after this. Only horrible things would get on my way.

I stare in horror at him. "I-I...!"

Kaoru twitches his brow.

"Kaoru, I'm-!"

"Hikaru... just get your FUCKING HAND OUT OF MY PANTS NOW!!"

* * *

Greetings everyone! Hitachiin Kaoru here!

Edo... Since Kunisaki couldn't come and say a word before ending this chapter, (by troubles of trying to not get killed by Hikaru...) I came to say thanks for reading this story, and I hope that you've been enjoying all the craziness.

-CRASH!-

Oh dear Lord... Eh, please review?

Well, I'm off... see you!

"HORA, HIKARU! DON'T SMASH KUNI INTO A PANCAKE AND DROP THAT HAMMER!!"


	5. Trip Time!

Author's note: OMG...

It's been really... like REALLY long time, since I posted something in here... -sweatdrops-

I'm really sorry for the waiting, guys. I've been really busy lately, but I hope that you'll enjoy this really crappy chapter of mine. :D

Really. :3

* * *

-- CHAPTER FIVE --

-- Trip Time! --

* * *

It's over… I'm so done for it.

I'm so stupid, so idiotic, so-! SO DISGUSTING!

Kaoru doesn't even want to look at me. Me, a such pathetic being with no backbone.

Yeah, that's right. That's me, the really pathetic one.

How in the world did my hand get into his pants, anyway?! I don't get it!

…

Well, I was able to pull off his clothes, while being asleep, so… No! NO! Shut up, Hikaru! What kind of brother would stick his HAND into his twin's PANTS?! That's just-! That's just too much! To think that I've actually-...! E-HEM! Uhm, yeah... I don't have to make myself clear.

I'm so stupid! I'm just an idiot!

I feel so disgusting...

There's no way to stop this. I used the entire night to hit myself on the damn face for having those fantasies about Kaoru.

I think I'm gonna lose my mind!

No, actually... I think I'll be losing some blood and brain-cells. I mean, look at me! Hitting the head into a wall and for so many times?

I really can't face him like this.

I wonder if this will go off, or if I really am in love with Kaoru.

I mean, of course I love him! He's my twin brother, DO'H!

But IN LOVE... Why does it have to be that kind of love?! Arrggghhh! I'm so confused...!!

Kaoru hasn't been talking with me for two weeks now, but it feels like it's been years since last time. He's been ignoring me ever since that horrible time. He doesn't want to say anything to me, which is kinda terrible for me. I don't say anything to him either, and I know that it doesn't make it better. I just don't dare to speak to him. I'm AFRAID to speak to him. I might screw it all up again, and then he'll just get mad at me again!

I don't feel so well... I feel sick.

Hopeless, hopeless, hopeless!!

I am GODDAMN a hopeless WRECK!

I have to do something either way... I have to make it up to him.

I need to make him understand that I-... I really...!

"Hey, Hikaru...!" something bumps into my arm. "Wake up, Hikaru."

"Huh...? Haruhi?" Why does she look so annoyed? And wait a minute...? I didn't sleep... or did I?

"It's such a special day, and you just sleep under the whole important thing? You're missing the good part." Why does she whisper?

Plus... she looks different today. I don't really answer her. I just stare at her with a weird look.

She raises her eyebrow. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Sorry Haruhi, but... why are you dressed up like that?"

"Why? It's obvious, isn't it?"

Well, yes... She wouldn't be dressing up and look cute without a reason. Maybe there is something special about today? I don't know.

Every day's a nightmare for me, so I wouldn't really care anymore.

"Um... by the way Haruhi. What's going on?"

"You don't know? You're the one, who should've known the best."

"... Eh?"

"Be quiet, Hikaru. It's very rude." I know that voice.

"K-kaasan?" What is she doing here? Shouldn't she be on a business trip in France?!

"What the-...?" Now that I look around, I can see everyone I know. They're all here, but why? Why are they all here? What's happening?!

Everyone's sitting in rows, and there's this acoustic sound of holiness. This place is huge and all white!

Just by looking around inside this place, there's something that tells me that I'm inside a...

"A church?!"

"Sshh!!"

"Ah! Sorry...!"

Apparently... I'm inside a church. BUT FOR WHAT REASON?!

I got a bad feeling about this... It can't be that--no, no, no! It can't. Of course it can't be. it's too early! Everyone in this place is sitting down in rows.

"What's happening...!?" I pull myself on the hair, not being able to comprehend all this.

I have to calm down, it can't be that. It just can't! Someone please pinch me on the arm. I'm going crazy...!

"Hika-chan, that's awful...!"

"Hani-senpai?" Hani-senpai sits on the row before me.

He frowns at me, while holding his usa-chan. "Kao-chan's getting married, of course!"

I dropped my jaw, due to the shock.

"**WHAT!?"**

"SSHHHH!!"

"Oh, shut up!!"

This can't be! I turned back towards Hani-senpai. "S-seriously...!?"

I wanna scream something in this moment.

I can't believe my brother's getting MARRIED! NO WAY. I won't let it happen. No, never! Kaoru's not going to marry someone! I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN!

"Congratulations, Hikaru! Your dear brother is getting married!" I throw a death-glare at Milord, whose bright and sparkly grin is always ticking me goddamn off!

I grab after him by the collar, starting to shake him: "WHO IS HE GETTING MARRIED WITH!?"

I can hear him screaming inside himself like: _'EEEEEEEIIIIKK! HELP ME!!'_

"ANSWER ME, MILORD! **WHO. IS. HE. MARRYING!?**"

He stutters out in fear. "Y-you don't know!?"

My face twitches in annoyance. "NO, I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHO IT IS! THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING!"

"Let go of senpai and calm down, Hikaru!" Haruhi pulls me off from him, "They're starting now!"

I'm not calm about what I'm seeing right now. I almost couldn't breathe.

I'm like: "God, is this for real?!"

The sound of a church organ plays out, and I can hear footsteps echo in my ears. Everyone's turning around to see the person walking towards the altar. I feel my hands tearing a song book apart. "No way..." it is none other than my brother, my twin, Kaoru. And while everyone else is watching in smiles and tears in their eyes, I've been thinking about how much I wanna slam song books after them.

All the people I know are inside this church, and I hear like my mother sobbing out in happiness: "My little boy has grown so big!"

"Oh, here comes the bride too!"

"Wake the hell up, Hikaru!" I can't stand to see this! I hit myself on the goddamn wall with my face, but none of the hits seems to be working at all.

"Shhh! Be quiet, Hikaru!" Haruhi shushes me for being too loud. "And stop hitting yourself on the wall! You're bleeding...!"

Oh, it gets even better, when I see Milord sniffing his nose and drying his tears off with a hanky.

"Takashi's going to says it!" I widened my eyes, throwing the look at Hani-sempai.

"Wait- Mori-senpai?!" my head turns quickly towards the altar and my brother again.

Mori-senpai, being dressed up as a priest, looks up from the book and says: "Kaoru... yes or no?"

-THUMP!-

I think something cracked inside of me, before I hit my face on the wall one last time.

"M-... Mori-senpai... you were supposed to speak a bit more...!"

"Yes." Kaoru responds with a smile.

"Soka... then I hereby declare you as husband and wife." H-HOLD ON! What about the bride?! Isn't she going to answer too?!

"KYAAA!" The hell-?! Even the fan-girls have seats to this wedding?! "HERE COMES THE KISS!!"

I froze, when I heard that. "WHAT!!"

KAMI! I totally forgot the kiss!

"Hikaru, what are you-?" Haruhi stated bewildered.

I had to stop this. There's no way I would let anyone kiss him! Not even in a dream! GOD FORBIDS! I'll KILL that person, who dares to try kissing MY Kaoru!

I can't believe I'm actually going to stop a wedding! It's so fucking cliché!

"NO!" I shout out, as I run towards him with my hand reaching out.

"Hikaru, you idiot!" I can hear Haruhi shout after me, but it doesn't matter to me. I have to stop this!

"Kaoru, you can't! You can't freaking marry someone else!"

"H-Hikaru!?" my twin turns his head at me, his face shocked.

I was so close to grab his wrist and pull him out of this church, until **something came in the way!** "Let go of me!" I try to hit the guy with that black helmet on, but there's freaking MORE of them!

"How unfortunately, Hikaru." My eyes widened at once. That voice....

I throw my eyes at the bride, suddenly shaking a lot. Now that I remember, I have seen those police folks before. It's scary how familiar they actually are.

"You..." I stare at the bride in horror.

"I do believe you would apologize for trying to ruin the wedding." The bride lifts up the veil, and I lose all my colours. God, I didn't see that coming.

That woman looks like-!

"K... K-...." I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M SEEING.

The bride smirks at me. "Is that how a son would destroy such an important day for his kaasan?"

"KYOUYA-SEMPAI!?" – AAAARRGGGHHH!!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!!

"Kyouya-sama." The police officer says.

"Ah, please take him away." He replies, while doing that creepy thing with his glasses.

The entire police force jumps towards me, grabbing after my legs and let my face slam against the red carpet.

They start to pull me out.

"Wha-?! No, let go of me! I SAID, LET GO!" My nails gonna hurt like shit, after ducking them into the floor.

"See you later, my dear friend!"

"Hikaru, remember to buy your own coffee!"

"BYE-BYE, HIKA-CHAN!"

"..." -Waves-

"Thank you for coming, Hikaru."

"...!" I think I drop my jaw somewhere. Don't say goodbye like this is nothing important!

I reach my palm towards my twin, begging him: "Kaoru! Don't let it end like this! Please, Kaoru! I don't want to lose you!"

"Hikaru..." he gazes with an amazed expression. His lips are curling upwards.

He smiles to me, "Please take care of yourself, or else... I won't forgive you."

"KA-!"

DON'T LOOK AT ME WITH SUCH A HAPPY FACE!

"KAORU, NO! KAOORRUUUU!!!!"

-SLAM!-

"Ooow....!" What the heck was that?! That was such a forceful hit...!

Uhm... wait, didn't I get dragged by those policemen...?

"Hey, Hikaru...!" What the-? "Wake up, Hikaru."

"Haruhi...?"

"It's such a special day, and you just sleep under the whole important thing? You're missing the good part."

My eyes widened at once. My mind went: 'WTF?! Déjà vu?!'

"Are you okay? You don't look too good."

"I'm... I'm fine..."

"Yeah... I can really see that." She says with her usual stern face. "You're not really good with the sea, huh?"

Oh... Ha-ha... she had me scared there for a second. Also... she's not wearing anything specially cute today.

Just her usual-normal-wearing as always, which makes her look like a boy.

So that before was just a... dream? AW, MAAAAAN...!!

Violated by dreams again!! Fucking SHIT!!

"Hikaru?"

"No... That's not it." I'm pretty fine with the sea. Honestly.

"If it isn't because of the sea, then you shouldn't be hanging like that. It looks like you're about to vomit..."

When I look around, this place sure doesn't look like a church. Luckily...!

"Where am I...?" I blinked a bit confused.

Man... I can feel my heart thumping so quickly, and my breath not is calm either. Goodness...! I'm happy that it was just a nightmare...

Haruhi looks at me as if I was an idiot. "On the ferry of course... It wasn't easy to wake you up."

"Ah, sorry..." Ferry...?

Oh, that's right... We're having a class-trip. Our class had finally decided that we should take a trip on the seas with the 1.B class. I completely forgot that...

My hand started to scratch the back of my head. My eyes caught on a book that was lying next to me. I picked it up. "Uhm, Haruhi... did you throw this book after me?" I asked with a sweatdrop... Well, throwing stuff at me in the attempt of trying to wake me up IS one way to do it, but that's just a bit harsh...

"Oh, no. It wasn't me."

"Huh? Then who was it?"

"Kaoru did it."

"..." -Twitch-

Well, that made me definitely feel better. That's SO like him...!

"He left for a while ago."

I glance at the book for a second. Carl Jung... Yup, that's his for sure.

"Hikaru, are you feeling alright?"

"I think so..."

"Boy... you almost had us scared there. You suddenly started to scream and terrified the others to death."

"Oh... Sorry about that." I feel quite stupid right now...!

"Plus, you almost jumped into the sea while calling after Kaoru."

I couldn't be paler than this. I feel like dying...

"I-I-I DID THAT?!" God, that just prove how much an idiot I am! Right now, I want to hide myself and my shame away! Perhaps I should make my own corner of vow like Tono does.

Now I quite understand why he does that.

Goddamn...! I'm nothing but a complete dumbass! I feel like crying...!

I'm turning out to be an idiot!

Just like Tono...!

"Hikaru?"

I look up to Haruhi, while trying to prevent the tears from showing off in the corner of my eyes. "Yeah? What is it?"

"You're not getting sad, right?" she looks at me with concerned eyes.

I blink in surprise at her.

Aaaww... Haruhi, that's so sweet of you-...

"Should I get Kaoru?"

On second thought... "Huh!? What!!" Get Kaoru?! Is she crazy!? "NO! Don't bring him here!!"

"Eh?" She gives me that confused look on her face.

"Uh-! Well, uhm-! It's okay! I'm fine, so there's no need to get him!" Aaargh...! Why do I have to laugh like a complete idiot?

She knits her eyebrows together, sweat-dropping. "Are you sure that you're fine?"

"Yeah! There's nothing to worry about!"

She gives me that look which says: _'Why do I get the feeling that I won't trust you on that?'_

I just keep laughing like that obvious dumbass I am, sweat-dropping in nervousness.

"...Well, if you say so, Hikaru." Haruhi sighs a bit. "Just call me if there's anything, okay?" And then she heads back to our classmates nearby the pool.

She shouts back to me. "Don't be depressed, okay?!"

I twitch my face. "Wha-?! I'm not depressed!!"

Soon, she's already out of my voice-reach, talking with our classmates.

I sigh out loudly. My hands started scratching hardly on my head. "WHAT A MESS...!" Why am I even here?! I should just have told the teacher that I was sick and not attending to this stupid trip. I don't even feel like going on a trip over the seas on a high-class ferry with the entire class! I would rather stay at home, lock the door to my room, jump onto my bed and hide myself under my large duvet.

....

ARGH!

I can't get used to this!

Yeah, that's right. There's no more 'ours', since Kaoru has moved out and found a new room to himself! And since that room, which HAD been both mine and his, is no longer used by him, it means I'm the only owner of that room. The thought of not sharing anything anymore had never occurred to me. Kaoru doesn't look at me, or talk to me, or get near me! He's completely ignoring me! ARGH! Everything's just screwed up!

"I want to cry...!"

He's so cruel... But I guess he has his rights to be so. I did do things to him, which he would obviously find unpleasant.

I just don't understand why I could do such things to him!

You're a bastard, Hikaru! A -BEEP!- perverted bastard!

Although, it wasn't on purpose... none of it was.

I placed my hand on my face. That dream was really unsettling for me... Seeing Kyouya-senpai in a wedding dress made me really lose every colour.

That really terrified me! And about losing Kaoru...! Hell, I wouldn't be able to bear it!

I shook my head fiercely, my hands clapping on my cheeks.

I SWEAR that I'll never read doujinshis made by Renge again...

* * *

What am I ever going to do?

If this keeps up, I'll end up getting mad...

I can't believe that he doesn't want to talk with me.

Furthermore, he doesn't even want to look at me!

If I just haven't done all those horrible things to him, it wouldn't end up like this. Bloody hell...

Why did I have to be in love with him? Couldn't it have been another person?

I mean, come on! He's my brother! And not just that, he's my twin!! Why did I fall for my twin!? Sure, he's a wonderful person. He's wonderfully evil! Him and his blasted sharp and invisible knives... they get sharper and sharper for each day! And then suddenly, when they're sharp enough, they would eventually make me bleed... Yup, I would definitely bleed for real, if I got stabbed by them. And wearing an armour would probably not work anyway. Just look at those knives! They're completely dangerous! I would get killed, if I got hit by them! And I don't want to die by knives! That's just pathetic!

I can just see the title on the newspaper: "A rich teenage boy; killed by invisible knives."

People, who red that, would just look weirdly on the title. "Invisible knives? Get real!" That's what they would say.

Without a doubt!

Nobody would believe that invisible knives exist.

Oh, they should just learn to know Kaoru... then let's see who's stupid, you dumbass!

I sigh deeply into the air.

Making up jokes won't lift my mood up. I'm still feeling really down...

"Perhaps, I should just sleep for a bit..."

I don't even bother to change my daily clothes. I just bump onto the large bed, which would probably be only used by me.

The other bed on the other side is left empty. The one, who was supposed to share a room with me, had gotten ill.

And no, I'm not talking about Kaoru.

He decided to share a room with Haruhi. That's actually fine with me, since Haruhi can't sleep in the same room the other males in our class.

They don't know that Haruhi's a female and not a guy.

I grab after the pillow that was near me, as I hug it tightly.

Wow... this is a comfortable soft pillow ...

Anyway, I don't know how to fix this problem. I really need help, but from who?

Who could I go to?

I couldn't ask Haruhi for help. She got less experience in this matter. Hani-senpai is... too childish. Plus, I wouldn't like to hurt his child-self. Or actually... I don't really know how he would react. I mean, he's the oldest member of the host club, goddamn it. Mori-senpai... well, he would definitely stop me from asking Hani-senpai. Plus, he's too silence. I actually wonder how he could help me, and I don't think he's into guys...

N-not that I ever thought about it!

I don't think anyone from the host club is gay!

But apparently except for me...

... Fuck.

Kyouya-senpai... god, I won't be able to see him, not after what happened in that horrifying dream...!

He wouldn't be interested either way, and I got the feeling that he won't be willing to help. Or that's actually what I hope!

God knows what this guy would be up to, if I asked him! I'm too scared to ask Kyouya-senpai...!

And Tono...

...

Tono's just too stupid, so I won't be asking him.

And there's of course no point in asking my twin, since he's the main problem.

That leaves me to zero...

Shortly said, I got no one to ask for help.

-sigh-

I'm no good at being alone. I need entertainment, someone to talk to, just anyone!

"I'm so bored...!" Normally, I would be hanging out with Kaoru, making pranks and tease Haruhi. But all that is over now.

I can't prank the others without my twin brother. It's no fun then.

How long has it been, since Kaoru had stopped to talk and look at me? It feels like forever... Goddamn it, how I hate this.

"Just what does he want me to do?"

I've been wondering about that for a long time. Does he want me to beg on my knees for forgiveness? Or should he first torture me and then think about it? How should I know?! I just want everything to turn back to normal! It is that too much to wish for?!

To think that all this bad things had happened so suddenly, it's just terrifying. First we were together, and then second we're separating...

I didn't know it could be possible.

"Heh... seems like it is possible." Even though I tried to laugh, it just didn't work that pretty well.

I really sounded so... lonely.

I start scratching on top of my head fiercely. "ARGH! Stop sounding so depressed!! There's no use in being sad! Come on, think of something good!" I could always play on my PSP or Nintendo DS. That would be at least less boring. Reading some comics or seeing a movie on my laptop would probably help too. Well, the night is all mine, and I won't be bothering anyone. There are only my classmates and the 1.B class onboard this ferry.

If I did bother anyone, I couldn't be more careless, anyway.

...

...

Argh...! Laying here won't help at all!

I stand up from the bed, throwing the pillow to the side. "I need a walk!"

Yes. That's what I need. A quick walk and then back to room to play some video games!

I rush towards the door, open it and walk outside of the room.

Some fresh air will definitely help a lot!

"Ah, Hikaru-kun."

I blinked a bit. My head turned towards the voice. But what I saw didn't make me feel any better.

"Oh. Hello, Chieko-san." I tried to smile to her, even though I don't feel like it.

What is she doing here-?!

Oh... right. She's from 1.B class. I forgot.

It didn't matter to me that she knew who I was.

It was obvious to see. Kaoru was the one, who was with our classmates and Haruhi.

I was the one, who was alone inside his room and first decided to go out by now.

"Do you want anything?"

She smiles towards me. I try to not make a twitch.

"Yes. I request a lunch together, if that's fine with you?"

I couldn't help but stare at her for a moment.

"Eh... why me?"

She shrugs her shoulder. "I thought you needed company."

"Oh..." I scratch the back of my head. I couldn't just say no to her, although I really wanted to rid of this girl. Even though there's no host club, she's still a customer, who's been a customer for quite a time now. Plus, trying to put her in a bad light wouldn't be the best thing to do.

I mentally grimace in annoyance. I can't believe I'm doing this...

"Sure, I don't mind." I keep smiling to her, hiding the fact that I really want to return to my room.

I try not to sound bored, as I ask her: "So, where do you want to go? There's plenty of place to get lunch."

She makes that adorably, annoying smile again. "I know just the right place."

Why the hell didn't I just stay inside?

* * *

Hika: "What the hell? Why end it just like this!? And-! Now Kaoru hates me even more?!"

Kao: -claps on shoulder- "Easy, Hikaru... That's just how the story goes..."

Hika: "B-but-...!"

Kao: "Thanks for the reading, you guys. Please review? It would be really great if you came with some good comments."

Hika: "HEY! Don't ignore me! KAORU!!"

- Kunisaki


End file.
